Kurt Russell is an Alien and other mysteries solved from watching "The Thing"

I finally watched The Thing. Not the new one, the 1982 one directed by John Carpenter. It's pretty shameful that I've just seen it. Spoilers ahead, guys. Fair warning. The movie did come out over 30 years ago, so.

I love the color and lighting of older John Carpenter movies. He does such a wonderful job setting the mood (or does someone else do that on sets, I have no idea how that stuff works). It's very simple things, such as subtle blue and red lighting that really make a difference.

But, yeah. I had no idea The Thing was about aliens. I've heard of it my whole life and I always assumed that it was up there with The Blob so I never bothered to watch it. It's not even close to The Blob (I don't actually know if it's like The Blob at all because I've never seen it). The Master of Horror himself (Mr. Carpenter calls himself that) directed it for crying out loud!

While over all the movie was pretty great, there were many little things which made it hard for me to suspend my disbelief. First of all, Antarctica. I know they needed it to take place in Antarctica for the frozen alien ship thing. However, Kurt Russell was walking around without a hat on for most of the movie. This wasn't even taking place in summer Antarctica, where it is warmer (but still cold as shit), this was taking place in winter Antarctica. I'm pretty sure it's too cold to go outside in the winter there (it is, I looked it up). I'm no expert, but you definitely can't continuously run around outside with no hat on. I'm looking at you, Kurt.

Also, still with Antarctica, I have no idea what these people were doing down there. There was one doctor and one guy who was maybe a scientist? Or something? Then a cook, a helicopter pilot and a guy who was in charge of the refrigerator keys? What the hell are these people doing in Antarctica? It's for scientists and stuff, getting grants and doing defined research. Probably even in the 80s. Not for people with no purpose to run around without hats on in the freezing temps.

Kurt! Put a hat on!

The people in the camp did start to suspect Kurt Russell of being an alien at several points in the plot, but I think they weren't taking into consideration his serious ability to survive freezing temperatures. Anyone who can run around in -40º with no hat and not freeze to death needs to be looked at with suspicion. I don't care how hot you are (young Kurt, I heart you).

The real alien, Kurt Russel

In conclusion, if you are a serious horror fan, like myself, and you have not watched The Thing (the original not the 2011 remake, which I will be watching just because I can't get enough horror but I'm sure it's a monstrosity. And yes, I plan to watch every single remake of Planet of the Apes they ever make because, it's Planet of the Apes, how can I miss that?!) you should watch it. And check out how Kurt is an alien who can survive extreme temps. That's the real mystery to this movie.

In Defense of Catey Shaw's 'Brooklyn Girls'

If you haven't seen or heard yet, the above video is a song called, "Brooklyn Girls" by Catey Shaw. I love the song. I think it's great, it's super catchy and Shaw is adorable. Not to mention her smokey voice is beautiful.

In the song, she crones about "Brooklyn Girls," and this has pissed a bunch of people off. I get it, if you're living in Park Slope or Bay Ridge or Flushing, this song isn't talking about you even though you're in Brooklyn. But, as someone from somewhere else who recently moved to North Brooklyn (what Shaw actually means when she claims Brooklyn), this song makes sense.

Where I live in Brooklyn is exactly what Shaw portrays in her music video, except I live in Greenpoint and there is less graffiti and everything is cleaner. But there are just as many people with colored hair (I'm one of them) and tattoos (again me) and weird piercings and skateboarding and all of the other cliques that are shown. Shaw's Brooklyn girl is me, I'm an outsider who came to New York to pursue art and writing, and all that, and found an affordable cool place to live with other people who are a lot like me. Is that so wrong? Everything I thought about living in Brooklyn is what it's like to live in Brooklyn. And everything I thought about living in Brooklyn is in this video. '

Gawker's Jordan Sargent says, "Shaw's worst crime is not making a statement about Brooklyn, it's being corny. She was in essence, pilloried for speaking the wrong language." And I totally agree, but unlike him and many others, I love that it's so corny. This video is a parody of North Brooklyn, but North Brooklyn is a parody of Brooklyn. That's why this song and video are so much fun. And I don't think that "Brooklyn Girls" is an aggressively poppy pop song meant to capture the zeitgeist of the borough" as New York Mag put it. It's just fun. It's meant to be fun. Shaw isn't making a comment on society as a whole, she's just a young 22-year-old trying to make it and have some fun.

So, everyone, chill out. Time.com said it best, "Catey Shaw isn't actually singing about Brooklyn the place. She's singing about Brooklyn the adjective...The whole this about a Brooklyn girl is you don't have to be from Brooklyn." Let's all just get over ourselves a little and stop taking everything so damn seriously. Most of us aren't from here anyway. And we can always, always one more catchy pop song in our lives.

Boulders

This past month has been hard. I've been in the trenches battling a particularly hard bout of depression and anxiety. Getting back from Christmas was hard, the New Year was hard and being cold all day every day is hard.

Apparently, this is the coldest New York winter in everyone's memory and by God, it's been brutal. I can barely park my car because of the ice wall that's formed along the sides of each street.

I haven't wanted to do anything but sit in my room, watch Dexter or Revenge (both great choices when you're already depressed) and knit my shawl. I don't want to go out, I don't want to see people. I just want to sit alone and sleep and feel sad. But, friends, this is counterproductive behavior and I don't want to be sad, miserable and lonely. I didn't bust my ass at graduate school for two years and move to New York City to sit in a basement apartment and knit alone.

So, I joined the Y, I've forced myself out of the house. I've talked to friends about how I'm feeling. I even went to the doctor. I hope I'm coming around, the last few days were a little better. I no longer feel like a boulder is sitting on my chest smooshing the air and light out of my soul. That's what depression feels like, like my soul is sick.

A holiday lesson for me

I hope everyone has had a happy holiday, or at least made it through okay.

This was my first holiday season away from my family. While I did make it home for Christmas, being away and buying gifts in New York and not being in conversations on group gifts and what everyone wants was weird (are you getting the picture that gifts are a big deal in my family?).

When I got home, I was so anxious it was hard for me to enjoy anything. I was worried "did I get the right gift?" "did I say the right thing?" "did I get to see everyone I wanted to see?" Truthfully, the answer to all of those is most likely, no.

While stress freaking out, a friend told me she had decided to have a good Christmas. I thought this was an amazing concept until another told me that it's okay to have a bad Christmas. Bad Christmases happen and stop freaking out about the small things. Did I stop freaking out? Absolutely not. But I kept these words of wisdom in mind on Christmas day when I didn't feel the gift I'd given was adequate or someone was breaking tradition, ect.

Christmas is only one day. Outside of the baby Jesus stuff—which I'm not going to get into here—it's for spending time with those you love and appreciating each other. I get too stressed out about everything being perfect, about me being perfect. The gifts and the decorating and all that isn't real. But the experience of being with those you love is, and that is what's important.

One moment matters

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I do this thing where I tell myself I'm getting fired. And then I start to have a meltdown and look at my boss and my coworkers and read and react to them as if I were getting fired. Then, in the past, I've gotten fired (but, I was also not good at those jobs and wasn't doing my best).

I do this other thing with art and writing and design where I tell myself I'm not talented and I'm a failure. I go through my work and I hate on in and I look at other, more experienced artist/designers/writers' works and compare my work to theirs and tell myself I'll never be as good as those people. That, I might as well give up.

Right now, I'm doing a combination of both of these things and it's making me miserable. I'm internally freaking out and berating myself. The true is, though, I'm mostly doing the best I can at work. I'm trying, I'm learning and I'm learning to ask for help and say "I don't know." And, of course I'm not as good as my coworker who has been a designer for 15 years, of course!

Also, if I'm going to compare myself to other designers, illustrators and amazing hand-letterers, I need to practice those things outside of work (which I plan to do soon, I just finished up my last knitted Christmas present).

All I have is this moment. I can't berate and punish myself for not working as hard as I could have at school (not true, I was killing myself with not sleeping) or not working every second of 8 hours at work (sometimes I need a few minutes to look at Facebook or go to the bathroom or take a lunch break). I have to stay in the moment, which is with Chico, in the bed (sick day, probably because I'm running myself down telling myself how much I suck). I try and I'm passionate and I don't suck.

PS: Thanks to Derp for giving me a pep talk :)

Art art art artiste

This is some jewelry I made and it's the only picture of art I could find at the moment. I did comb my old blog for a picture and see bad memories and embarrassing writing

I make art. But, I haven't made some real art for myself since this group show where I didn't have time to put my piece together and so I threw something together at the last minute and it was terrible and humiliating. That was almost 3 years ago. I love painting and making things. I have a hard time getting into something unless I know it's going to be great. Unfortunately, art isn't like that. As Macklemore says, "The greats were great because they paint a lot."

I'm committing right now, on here, to do a personal art project. Whatever I want, combining traditional art with writing and all that. I have had several traumatic relationships with men and I want to do something around that. These relationships run the gamut and I think it'll be helpful and cathartic to do a project around my feelings. A healing.

I need accountability. By this time next year, I'll have something to show. It may be shit, it may be awesome, it will most likely be somewhere in between. I'm going to do it!

Home, but not anymore

Pictures with a portion of loved ones

I went home for Thanksgiving. It was the first time since I moved to New York. All last week, I tried to prepare myself for what to expect emotionally. I've been so lonely here in New York, I hoped I wouldn't get overwhelmed and sad.

Well, I did (get overwhelmed and sad). It was so lovely to see my friends and family and feel so much love. They told me I look great and beautiful, which I needed to hear (as I recently posted).

Thanksgiving Day was great. It was just as overwhelming and anxiety producing as any large family function is, except this time I had something interesting to share. Living in New York is a great conversation starter. Friday, Boyfriend and I had second Thanksgiving with his family and I got to hold his new nephew, Little Bit, for the first time. It was amazing to have such a small baby cuddle up to me.

Saturday was when I started to get sad. I hung out for a few hours with Bestie then we met up with some of my friends at a coffee shop in Atlanta. So many of my ladies came to see me! I was overjoyed to hug and chat with each one. I felt so loved and a part of, which I haven't felt here (New York).

I forget that time takes time. Relationships don't pop up out of no where. But I've been trying sooooo hard. I feel like I should have more meaningful relationships by now. I do have Lady Pants and my new roomies, I'm just so used to being surrounded by love all the time and I miss that about Atlanta.

I cried much of Saturday night and Sunday and the plane ride home. I'm trying, putting one foot in front of the other. It will get better and easier. I hope.

Thankfulness: Yet Another Thanksgiving Post

Amazing example of serenity brought to you by Paul Linton

I was looking over my Life List, adding stand up comedy to my list of goals, and I saw that I'd already completed #51: Get Rid of Stuff. Boy, did I get rid of stuff when I packed my whole life into my VW Bug and headed north. I got rid of furniture enough to furnish an entire house, most of my shoes, books, clothing, ect.

I also completed #43: Visit the monastery in Conyers. I've been wanting to go there for at least 10 years because of their state renown gardens, but I never made the time. Over the summer between graduation and starting my job, I took an afternoon to myself and visited. The experience was amazing. I'm not a religious gal, but I am deeply spiritual and I was overcome by the beauty, stillness and serenity while sitting alone in the sanctuary (is that what it's called?). I'm so thankful I took that time to drive the 45 minutes.

Seeing these two items completed prompted me to look over the rest of the list and mark off several items. In doing so, I'm a little overcome with emotion. Before I started on this journey to better myself and my life, I never completed anything. I didn't have goals, therefore I didn't complete goals. I was too afraid to fail, so I never tried. And now, I see that I'm no longer completely afraid to try. It takes guts to get rid of all your stuff and move across the country. I'm so proud of myself and so thankful I finally realized struggle is part of the journey and I am worth taking a chance on.

Happy Thanksgiving

(Non horror) Movie Review: Frances Ha

Derp has been raving and raving about Frances Ha for the past week and how me and Okaye have to watch it and she's already watched it 4 times in the past two weeks but she'll watch it again with us because it's sooooo amazing, and you guys just hafta watch it, ok?!

So, last night the two of us sat down to watch it. I just knew there was no way it was going to live up to Derp's hype. And she was just so fidgety and excited for me to see it. I was actually worried I wasn't going to like it. But, no fear. It was the best, most moving movie I've seen in a long, looooooong time. It was so real and honest.

The movie encapsulated what it's like to be in your 20's (as a female) and even more so what it's like to be in your twenties, single and in New York City following your dreams. It actually addressed many of the things I wrote in my last post (and I wrote that before I'd seen the movie). I felt so vindicated and part of a community. The movie helped me realize (once again) that being here is totally worth the pain and struggle.

Friends, please watch it. I'll even watch it with you. Because it's a refreshing, beautiful and uplifting (while still being tough and honest) story.

Let me know what you think in the comments (if you've seen it, of course).

Three Years Reflection

Pictures from the amazing going away party my friends threw me

One of my friends IMed me last week that she wants to be a graphic designer. And live in New York. And have a cute dog. And a blog.

This got me thinking. Three years ago this week, I lost my job. Chico's dad and I broke up a couple months earlier, and I was still having a hard time with the break up. I had no idea what I wanted to do with myself. I was simply floating through my life grabbing onto one this after the next and I felt as if I couldn't get my head above water. Day after day, I perused job listings. The only thing was, I didn't know what I wanted to do. Two years before, I'd dropped out of my feminist rhetoric graduate program because it wasn't what was promised to me by the school (not to mention I wasn't mature enough for it). I'd planned on getting my PhD in writing for so long I felt it defined me. I was no longer pursuing that dream and I didn't know who I was without it.  I was a nobody with a shitty prospects and no hope and now no job and no boyfriend.

For about a year, I'd been toying with the idea of going back to school for design. I knew it was going to be difficult for me to "find my thing" with an BA in english. Let's face it, it just means you have been trained to do a little of everything and a whole lot of nothing; not to mention planning on getting your PhD is a lot less cool than actually having one.

I talked with many many friends and family members. I went to check out a couple of design programs in Atlanta and chose one for me. And I've never looked back. Even when I hadn't slept for days and I was having anxiety break downs, I knew I'd made the right decision. I didn't have anything to go back to.

Going to the school I did forced me to take a look a myself in ways I'd never been desperate enough to do before. I'd never struggled or work as hard as I did in that school. I learned sooo much about myself (this lesson was more valuable than all I learned from design) and what I'd been doing before wasn't working for me any more. I pretty much changed everything about my life and myself. I threw out the bad and kept the good (this includes people, clothing, character defects, beliefs, ect).

It's amazing how much has changed and how much happier and fulfilled I am now. In just 3 short years, I have almost everything I've ever wanted for myself: happiness, peace and meaningful friendships.

No more sorry

{photo by: Josh Bomb}

Tonight, my roommates were talking about what they're going to do now that I'm moving out and another roommate is moving out. They were both very agitated and although they've known about this for at least a month, tonight seems to be the first time they've considered the possibility they will have to find a new roommate. I felt the need to apologize. For not wanting to live in a bedroom with no door, even though one was promised and for not wanting to live in a place that floods or with a landlord who won't fix huge things or lets strangers into our apartment when we're not here. And, I realized that none of these things are things I'm responsible for. What I'm sorry for is the situation our landlord has put them in and none of these things are my fault.

A couple of Lents ago, I gave up apologizing. I am a compulsive people pleaser and I never realized this about myself until shortly before said Lent season. Anytime anyone around me is unhappy about something I think I can fix, or I damaged or some of my actions may have caused or I could've, maybe in a perfect world prevented, ect, I want to apologize for it. Doing so leads to me feeling like a piece of shit all the time and constantly telling people I'm sorry for breathing (basically). Giving up apologizing for a few weeks allowed me the freedom to consider if a-I'm actually sorry and b-if I'm even at fault. 99% of the time, the answer is no. I'm learning to be alright with that. I can't fix anyone else, I can only fix myself and unnecessary apologies or attempting to carry others' burdens won't fix me or them.

While my roommates were talking about taking each other to court, I held my tongue. The only thing I can say is I'm sorry this situation is happening, but I've made this clear since the flooding. There's nothing I can do and I'm thankful. Because today, silence is enough.

Update on my slummy slum slum

Dear Everyone:

Thank you for all of your nice Facebook comments, tweets, emails and texts. And instagrams. You're the best. Big hearts for you all.

The leasing company did, finally, return the calls and emails. At first my landlord tried to act like he didn't know what I was talking about, but when I told him I'd reported him to the city he told me it wasn't his fault, blah blah blah.

So, Chico and I are packing up and moving somewhere new. We can't take it anymore. The leasing company still hasn't come by to check out the damage or do anything to make it right. Either way, Chico and I don't like it in Bushwick and we're just happy to get out. Somewhere with a little more greenery for Chico to run through and pee on (he really needs that. He's been focused on drowning little grass shoots in sidewalk cracks).

Thanks for the love!

Changes changes everywhere

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Before I moved, I'd never been better. I had (and still have, now they are just away) the friends and friendships I've always wanted. A healthy relationship. Self assurance and confidence, and not just shallow look-in-the-mirror-and-think-I'm-hot-confidence, real confidence. In who I am as a person. I knew myself. But, up here in New York, so far, it's different. I'm constantly being reassured that it will get better and New York will start to feel like home, and I believe all that. It just doesn't yet and I don't like that. I want everything here to be like it was there now.

Last week I was struggling. I was listening to Tove Lo over and over again and letting sadness and loneliness take over and swallow me. I was so sad my chest was hurting and I felt as if I couldn't breathe.

I came home from work Wednesday and laid on my bed in my room in the dark and cried. I missed Boyfriend and Bestie and my family and the sounds of Southern voices (everyone here sounds like they are in the mafia) and familiarity and having friends call who want to hang out with me and know me. I felt like moving here was a big mistake and like I'm going to fail at living. It was a huge dramatic mess, Wednesday night.
I called a friend and we talked about it. I turned the lights on and made myself some dinner. I snuggled Chico a bit. I cried some more, but with the lights on I knew it was going to be ok.

Bored

As I have mentioned several times lately, I graduated a couple of weeks ago. And for the first couple of weeks I was enjoying having the freedom to hang out and lay around and apply to things on my schedule. It was nice to have time to knit and cross stitch and paint without feeling guilty (because any time not spent doing school work over the past two years caused guilt, including sleep). I've been keeping really super busy. I've been LIVING. Seeing people, going to every event every friend is having, karaoke-ing. But, now, it's been two weeks and I'm winding down from this whirlwind of happiness and accomplishment.

Some boredom is starting to set in. Because my days are full of long hours with nothing scheduled. And this can be dangerous for my well being. Well, it was dangerous for my state of mind in the past. When I start to get bored, I lose the will to do things, talk to people and make food. Generally, I get depressed. And while I feel like I'm in a really healthy place mentally, I'm scared that I'm going to fall into those old behaviors if boredom sets in. 

I'm making myself get up pretty early (I'm more of a morning person, if I slept past 10, I'd hate myself), apply to jobs and research things for a few hours. I'm going to start refreshing my knowledge of CSS and HTML. I have a plan, I'm just worried. Maybe if I wasn't worried, that'd be a problem. I don't know. 

So, that is happening. Thanks for reading :)

Three more days!

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Only three more days until graduation! I can't believe it's here. On the one hand, it feels like the shortest two years of my life and on the other hand, it feels like it was the longest thing I've ever been through. 

In the past two years I've grown so much. I didn't know I could work this hard and in working so hard I've learned about myself. I never thought I could stay up for days to get a project done (not recommended) and I learned about humility and patience. I have opinions now. I had them before, but I was really busy gauging what your opinion is and trying to make sure I agreed. So I guess I didn't really have them.

Before, I didn't know what I wanted from life. I didn't have a thing I did. Now I have a path.

I'm so excited/scared/hopeful about the future. I'm trying to focus on the next thing in front of me instead of freaking out about the unknown of employment. I hate not knowing what's going to happen next. But, it's going to work out. And it's probably going to be great.

Ah Ha! vol. 7: Procrastination

I've been having a hard time lately. Lots and lots of anxiety and panic, which makes it hard for me to do things which in turn adds to my anxiety and panic. Normally, this is frustrating, but right now I'm working on finishing my portfolio and I'm in a time crunch.

When I get like this, I get stuck in a cycle. The anxiety comes, then I have a hard time working then I beat myself up for not getting things done which makes the anxiety worse. In the past, I'd usually give up. But that's not an option for me anymore. There is no way I'm going to give up after the past two years of working my ass off, sleepless nights, money and sacrifices.

I realized, I only have today. I don't have tomorrow yet and what I did yesterday doesn't matter, it's over. In the interest of my sanity, I have to focus on what I can do right this minute. If thinking about the entire day wigs me out, I can take it a moment at a time. It's all going to be ok.

Ah Ha! vol. 6 Change

Picture from On the Write Track

Today was hard. I have a friend going through a crisis. I want to be there for her, but she won't let me. I'm sad for her, but at the same time, it's allowed me to reflect.

I've changed soooooooo much in the past year. I'm like a different person. Me a year ago was exactly where this friend is, and like her, unable to see the light. Watching my friend be oblivious to how amazing and beautiful and talented and smart and wonderful she is gives me perspective on the times I beat myself up.

In the past year, I've chosen the harder road (for me). I don't want to be sad, I don't want to be alone and I especially don't want to be sad and alone. Ew. And slowly, I'm not as much of an unpleasant bitch to be around. Now, occasionally, people call me for advice. I get invited to things. I have friends. I am a friend.

While today was especially hard, I did all the right things, and even if I hadn't, it was the best I can do. Another lovely lady friend called me to tell me I'm a great friend and how much she appreciates me.  This is really the apex of how much I've changed. I feel so grateful and amazing :)

Life List

Inspired by Carrie Anne, I've been compiling this list for at least a year, if not longer. I haven't been able to get to 100, so I've never published it. Hopefully, I'll get to 100 some day. Maybe when I can stop saying "I'll never be able to do that" and just add things.

100 Things To Do Before I Die

1. Graduate from graduate school
2. Get a job I don't hate
3. Procreate
4. Marry
5. Travel to Russia
6. Travel to Greece
7. Live in England
8. Live in New York
9. Go to a family reunion Did it this summer!!!
10. Appreciate myself
11. Get in really great shape
12. Hot air balloon ride
13. Go to the Grand Canyon
14. Visit San Fransisco
15. Visit Portland
16. Visit Seattle
17. Visit Vancouver
18. Spend a winter up north
19. Have a Roylls
20. Love thyself
21. Humble thyself
22. Let go
23. Act in a play
24. Sing in a band
25. Learn the guitar
26. Learn the violin
27. Metalsmithing
28. Become a Master Knitter (it's a real thing)
29. Publish a novel
30. See aurora borealis
31. Move out of Atlanta for at least a year
32. Speak another language fluently
33. Get an MFA in creative writing
34. Get paid to sing
35. Get paid to write (something that I want to write)
36. Stop smoking
37. Accept Average
38. Be a graphic designer
39. Let go more quickly
40. Learn to sew
41. Visit Stonehenge 
42. Camp out in the haunted graveyard where the Bell Witch haunted
43. Go to the monastery in Conyers
44. Go on a cruise
45. See Machu Picchu
46. Learn to sew
47. Use that geocache app and geocache some stuffs
48. Own a Chanel purse
49. Take my grandmother's life writings and convert them into one cohesive tale
50. Know embroidery
51. Get rid of stuff
52. Become proficient in HTML and CSS
53. Host and effectively design my own blog
54. Do stand up comedy
55. Become flexible (physically)
56. Master (is this possible?) meditation
57. Visit India
58. Visit Norway
59. Visit japan
60. 
    

 What's your dream?

A Gift Guide For Knitters: Don't Buy Us Yarn

I've been perusing knitting gift guides online, and I don't think that the people making the lists are actual knitters. I've seen yarn at the top of the list several times. While yarn does seem like the obvious choice for the voracious knitter in your life, never get her yarn (unless specified which kind and how many skeins). While the thought is super sweet and thank you so much, we can't make anything with one skein. It will sit in the box under my bed with all of my other single skeins I just had to have at that yarn sale (that I've now moved into 3 or 4 apartments and never used).

In that light, here are some awesome things every knitter can use and appreciate. With these items on hand, she can save her money (and patience) for that next big knitting project.

1. Harmony Interchangeable Knitting Needles (I have these and they are amazing) $69.99

2. Knitting Chart Keeper (I can't chart without it) $14.99

3. Twinkle's Big City Knits (One day, I will have this book. It's been on Christmas lists for, no joke, 6 years) $17.99

4. Herdy Stitch Markers $13.00

5. Lamb Tape Measure (I'm on my 3rd. Cat pulled the head off the first and dog claimed the second) $10.50

6. The Knit Kit  (best gift ever for the obsessive knitter in your life) $24.00

7. Knitting Tool Case $32.00

8. Persnickity Knits Knitting Clutch (My most favorite knitting accessory every. I've used it constantly for 4 years)

9. Skully Knitting Needles Shirt $20.00

10. Vogue Stitchionary vol. 1 (These books have amazing stitches that I love to practice and add to different projects--if she loves knitting, she'll love this) $13.57

11. Swedish Glimakra Large Wood Umbrella Swift (I effing want this--never lose an entire hank to knots again...not to mention less cussing) $79.00

Ah Ha! vol. 5: Average

Recently, I realized average might just be good enough. 

I've always been one of those people that doesn't try if I don't think I'm going to be the best at something (or at least very good at it). If I'm not going to stand out and be a shining star, I've never seen the point. The only times in my life (until lately) I tried things I didn't know I was going to rock at, were trying out for dance team in 8th grade (oh the horror) and summer swim league in 9th and 10th grades (I was so slow my coach made me swim with the 12 year olds). 

I've always felt I need to be the smartest, best, prettiest, thinnest, funniest, ect...It's extremely exhausting. 

When I look at pictures from a few years ago and I weighed 100lbs, I think how nice it would be to be that thin again and how awesome I looked. Instead of getting stuck in thinking I look horrible now, I have to remember how miserable I was then. My boyfriend of 4 years and I just broke up, I cried all the time, I wasn't eating; I was generally being a shady mothafucka. Was it worth it? Do I really want to look like that again in exchange for feeling horrible? I don't think so.

I need to accept that average is often good enough. There's always going to be someone prettier, smarter, thinner, funnier, more talented. That's life. Instead of focusing on how much I think I suck, I need to spend my energy being as awesome as I want to be. And enjoy my life. Because it's pretty amazing.