Back in Atlanta

A sign in East Atlanta Village. Taken by bittermelon.

I've been back in Atlanta for a couple of weeks and it feels great! It's a little weird because it kind of feels as if I never left, but I'm not sure where everything is when I'm driving. I forgot how lovely it is to be surrounded by people I love and people who love me. That's one fantastic thing about my neighborhood. Most of my favorite people are just minutes away.

I expected things to be a little challenging when I got back. I tried to prepare emotionally for feeling like nothing had changed when everything had changed. Unfortunately, there is no way to prepare for that. Coming back to a place and to people after being away for a year and a half takes acclimating and that sucks.  I hate being uncomfortable! Every day is a little bit easier. 

I gave myself a break. I did just move across the country, am planning a wedding, started a new job, bought a car and am driving and am no longer in a long distance relationship. Those things might drive even the sanest person a little crazy.

Goodbye, New York

Chihuahuapolooza. Enough said. 

When I moved to New York a year and a half ago, it was the hardest and scariest thing I've ever done. I had a couple of friends spread out across the boroughs, but not close enough to where I lived to see on a regular basis.

It was very lonely and hard at first. I cried a lot and was alone a lot. I'd never lived so far from home and so far from what was familiar. New York is pretty much a different country from Atlanta, I couldn't understand what people were saying half the time for the first few months. People are much more abrasive here and that was quite a difficult adjustment for me.

All of this being said, I now have a full life in New York. I have wonderful friends I plan on keeping for life. Bonding with people here is a different experience than anywhere else. New York City is so hard, sometimes all you can do is laugh or cry with a good friend (or a stranger). I'm sad to leave all of my lovely friends. I'm sad to leave my amazing job and awesome coworkers.

I'm leaving for all of the reasons this article states (which is satire, but pretty damn close to the truth). While I'll miss the city a little, I'll mainly miss the people I met from all walks of life, here to follow their dreams. I'll miss the constant challenge (this will be more of a conceptual missing). I found myself here, a little. I am coming in to my own as a fine artist and I couldn't have done that without this experience.

Good-bye, New York!

Bright Lights and French Fries

There was a New York City fry exhibit last weekend. Honestly, I skimmed the first paragraph, looked at the pictures and put the address into my phone. I saw that you couldn’t eat the fries that were being exhibited, but I didn’t really think you wouldn’t be able to eat there. I mean, it was an exhibit about food. Of course there was going to be food. 

There wasn’t any food.

It was literally just fries under glass with wire stuck through them, straight up, like fingers. Fries aren’t that interesting to look at. Sure, some have more pepper than others, some are fat, some are skinny, long, short, ect. But, you’ve seen 5 fries, you’ve seen them all. And that’s how this exhibit was. The Romanian (friend I went with) and I were not very happy we trekked all the way down to Nolita in the cold to walk around french fries for 10 minutes. I don’t feel more cultured at all. I didn’t benefit from seeing the fries in any way. Other than the Romanian and I rolling our eyes at each other and laughing about how New York this whole thing was. Did I mention there wasn’t any food?!! 

Next, we headed over to the DUMBO Festival of Lights. When we got off the train, we pushed through hoards of people toward the Manhattan Bridge–where these spectacular lights were supposed to be taking place. When I say hoards, I mean hoards. Like the L train during rush hour amount of people as far as the eye can see. The Romanian and I held hands so we didn’t lose one another. But, unfortunately, the police shut down everything because there were too many people. 

I don't even understand how it is possible to hold a free event on a Saturday in Brooklyn, New York and not plan for 10,000s of people. We didn't get to see anything. The Romanian and I did go to Dewey's Candy on Front Street. I've been trying to go there since before I tried to move here. Every time I'm in DUMBO, it's closed. 

We are planning to reconvene at the MET to see the Cubism event soon. You can't eat paintings and I doubt there will be too many people for them to show the exhibit. 

Damn the Man! Save the Empire!

Over the weekend I watched Empire Records with Derp. It was her first time. I don't know if I was more excited about watching the movie or about her watching the movie.

I haven't sat down just to watch Empire Records in several years (and not as background noise or with commercial interruptions). Last year, I tried to get boyfriend to watch it, but he just fell asleep and ruined the experience. Derp was so excited to see it that it upped my excitement (Dear Boyfriend, you're missing out).

In high school, when things weren't going to well, I'd play the movie and fall into Rex Manning Day at the coolest record store to ever happen to this world. While watching this weekend, I experienced a nostalgic walk through 10-12th grade me. The clothes, the music (Can you feel it, Sugar High!), the hair, the one liners (What's with today, today?). I feel like that's what makes the movie so memorable for me and my friends. The party scene at the end is the kind of night I always wanted to have. People united in a cause and having a wonderful, magical experience. I chased that kind of night and rarely (if ever) got one. But pushing Empire Records into the VCR and taking 90 minutes to immerse myself in their world made me feel like I'd had the night of my life.

I also have a thing for 90's music and their angsty lyrics (a boy with a bun recently said to me, "The 90's are so hot right now"). Empire Records speaks to teenage me. A time for endless possibility and fun. Where anyone can follow the girl of his dreams to Boston to go to art school without any college experience; where no one gets fired or goes to jail; where a store owner will take a plastic barrel of money as payment for the store. And it always smells like summer.

Scavenger Hunt

Yesterday was my friend Katy’s birthday. For her celebration, she invited me to go to some New York thing with her in the Financial District. She sent me the summary for the event, but I barely skimmed it, assuming it was some kind of museum, art thing (which I’m super into). And it’s her birthday, so I was willing to do whatever she wanted.

I was pleasantly surprised, while figuring out how to get there, to discover I was participating in The Revolutionary New York ScavengerHunt. It was so much fun! Katy and I ran around Wall Street and Downtown New York for two hours learning about the founding fathers involvement in creating New York City and trying to beat this German family we viewed as direct competition. I saw the first paved street of the city, a statue of George Washington, Alexander Hamilton’s grave and, my favorite, nuns (not part of the hunt).

It was a great way to spend the first truly spring day. If you’re in the New York City area, Watson Adventures has a lot of different scavenger hunts all over the city. And they’re in some other cities, as well.

I loved the day so much, I texted Boyfriend and told him he needs to move up here so we can get a studio down there. Near the water and Stone Street. ‘sigh’ Now that the winter’s over, I’m loving it here again.

Horror movie review: Oculus

As per usual, I saw Oculus last night. It comes out in theaters everywhere today. While I always have high hopes for horror movies (I go on opening night and sacrifice a full nights’ sleep), they usually suck (lately none as badly as Mama or Sinister, which Kaybe loves. I just don’t get it). Fortunately for me, Oculus lives up to it’s 72% Rotton Tomatoes ranking. It’s horrifying.

Kaylie (Karen Gillan) and Tim Russell (Brenton Thwaites) are struggling to pull their lives back together and move on when Tim is released from a psychiatric facility 11 years after their parents’ brutal murders. Tim wants to quietly return to society, forgetting the horrors from years before, while Kaylie is determined to confront the evil mirror she believes is responsible for the destruction of her family. She brings the mirror and Tim into the family’s former home and calamity ensues.

Look at that bloody neck

One of the things I love so much about this flick is the timeline. It constantly changes back and forth between present day and eleven years previous, but the viewer rarely knows if the timelines are interacting, which timeline the characters are actually seeing, or if the actions happening to the older and younger versions of Kaylie and Tim are overlapping. All of this successfully lends to the unease and tension present throughout the movie.

This hairstyle is weird

It was so scary, one of my friends who came to the theater with me left halfway through (she didn’t know it was a horror movie, but I still feel like she’d have just laughed her way through the scary parts if it had been Mama). I’m sad she missed out on the ending because it was a good one. Unlike most horror movies (I watch a ton of them) events didn’t wrap up nicely and ruin everything. There’s no happily ever after here, guys. I think horror movie addicts, such as myself, will feel that this ending isn’t one we’ll have to forget about in order the like this film.

My recommendation is to shell out the $10-14 to see it in the theaters. I prefer Williamsburg Cinemas in Williamsburg where they don’t have jalpenos, search you and harass me every time I bring Chico.

Pawel Althamer at the New Museum

On Sunday, Derp and I went to the New Museum to check out the work of Polish artist Pawel Althamer in his exhibit entitled: TheNeighbors. I saw a sign for the exhibition in one of the L subway stations on Saturday. Althamer’s little diorama drew me in.

I love sculpture and I was excited to see three floors of it. Derp and I started at the top and worked our way down. The topmost floor of the exhibit was a room filled with children (mostly) and other people painting on walls. Althamer’s work examines social interactions and relationships and this is such a cool way to do it. There were paint cans everywhere and people running around with paint brushes painting on every surface imaginable. My favorite image was a little girl who’d made a light brown soup out of several colors and was wiping it all over a folding chair and herself.

Adorkable Derp

The second floor consisted of several statues spaced well apart, (make sure you don’t cross the line, those museum docents are on it). Althamer had help creating these works from some guys he met in Africa. Their group creation is quite original. 

The little dudes below are so cute, I love their whole scene. They are on the subway poster that made me want to see the show.

Many others, but these little dudes are my favorite

 The third floor is a dark room with sculptures everywhere. They have plaster cast faces; apparently Althamer used people in his life and put each person’s name somewhere on the surface.

I was very interested in how the statues worked with each other and with the audience. You have to steer your body carefully around each statue to navigate the room. I love the reasoning behind the pieces, it reminds me of the concepts I'm working with right now in my own work. I’m not using sculpture, I’m using shapes to represent the connection, but the concepts are there. I’m very inspired by this showing.

From Gallerist

If you can make it over there, Althamer’s works will be displayed until April 14, 2014. Get there while you still can! Here’s a link to the New Museum’s site.

Divergent: A Love Story (I'm in love with it)

I tried to find fan art I like, but I couldn't find any I didn't think was too cheesy (immature) for me. So, I made my own. I really enjoyed creating this.

Last week, I mentioned I'm reading the Divergent series. You guys, I'm completely obsessed with these books. There is a Tris and Four sized hole in my heart, now that I've finished. When I was coming up on the end, I was alerted I may be a little upset by it, so I finished it that night. So upset. I cried to Oh Kaye (she's previously read them). She comforted me as I discussed the ridiculousness of crying this much over fictional characters (discussed through tears).

I embroidered the little dude on the zip line. The zip line has meaning throughout all three books

I don't know the last time I was so emotionally invested in a book(s). Probably high school. I've watched the trailer for the movie more times than I care to share, I've been evangelizing to friends and family and coworkers (my deskmate is too nice to tell me to be quiet. He also allows me to sing out loud to music he hates on a daily basis. He's a saint). I convinced Bestie to read them and she's just as hooked. I want her to hurry and finish so we can talk about the end.

Mixed media, water color, pencil and thread

I'm planning a party to see the movie on opening night, March 21 and if you're in the NYC area and are interested in accompanying, please let me know. The more the merrier. Also, like the true fan girl I've never before been in my life, I'm planning on rereading the first book before the movie. Even though it's in less than a month (I needed a break in the interim so I'm going in a completely different direction with Gillian Flynn's Dark Places).

One moment matters

Source

I do this thing where I tell myself I'm getting fired. And then I start to have a meltdown and look at my boss and my coworkers and read and react to them as if I were getting fired. Then, in the past, I've gotten fired (but, I was also not good at those jobs and wasn't doing my best).

I do this other thing with art and writing and design where I tell myself I'm not talented and I'm a failure. I go through my work and I hate on in and I look at other, more experienced artist/designers/writers' works and compare my work to theirs and tell myself I'll never be as good as those people. That, I might as well give up.

Right now, I'm doing a combination of both of these things and it's making me miserable. I'm internally freaking out and berating myself. The true is, though, I'm mostly doing the best I can at work. I'm trying, I'm learning and I'm learning to ask for help and say "I don't know." And, of course I'm not as good as my coworker who has been a designer for 15 years, of course!

Also, if I'm going to compare myself to other designers, illustrators and amazing hand-letterers, I need to practice those things outside of work (which I plan to do soon, I just finished up my last knitted Christmas present).

All I have is this moment. I can't berate and punish myself for not working as hard as I could have at school (not true, I was killing myself with not sleeping) or not working every second of 8 hours at work (sometimes I need a few minutes to look at Facebook or go to the bathroom or take a lunch break). I have to stay in the moment, which is with Chico, in the bed (sick day, probably because I'm running myself down telling myself how much I suck). I try and I'm passionate and I don't suck.

PS: Thanks to Derp for giving me a pep talk :)

Home, but not anymore

Pictures with a portion of loved ones

I went home for Thanksgiving. It was the first time since I moved to New York. All last week, I tried to prepare myself for what to expect emotionally. I've been so lonely here in New York, I hoped I wouldn't get overwhelmed and sad.

Well, I did (get overwhelmed and sad). It was so lovely to see my friends and family and feel so much love. They told me I look great and beautiful, which I needed to hear (as I recently posted).

Thanksgiving Day was great. It was just as overwhelming and anxiety producing as any large family function is, except this time I had something interesting to share. Living in New York is a great conversation starter. Friday, Boyfriend and I had second Thanksgiving with his family and I got to hold his new nephew, Little Bit, for the first time. It was amazing to have such a small baby cuddle up to me.

Saturday was when I started to get sad. I hung out for a few hours with Bestie then we met up with some of my friends at a coffee shop in Atlanta. So many of my ladies came to see me! I was overjoyed to hug and chat with each one. I felt so loved and a part of, which I haven't felt here (New York).

I forget that time takes time. Relationships don't pop up out of no where. But I've been trying sooooo hard. I feel like I should have more meaningful relationships by now. I do have Lady Pants and my new roomies, I'm just so used to being surrounded by love all the time and I miss that about Atlanta.

I cried much of Saturday night and Sunday and the plane ride home. I'm trying, putting one foot in front of the other. It will get better and easier. I hope.

Over the weekend

Over the weekend, I had the chance to have dinner with a friend I grew up with. It was so awesome to see Lindsay. I lived with her and her family briefly when I was in high school. 

She moved to New York almost exactly a year before I moved here. Before moving, she and her husband ran (and founded) a non-profit that builds schools and orphanages in Africa. Then, she decided she was worn out from all of the traveling (over 150 days a year being in Africa and traveling all over the world) and wanted to be a personal chef. So, she and her husband sold everything they owned and moved to New York. Isn't that insane? Neither one of them had jobs. I just can't imagine being that brave.

It was super to see her and catch up. She's a ball of positivity and warmness. Not to mention, she is now a successful personal chef with tons of business. If you're interested in reading more about Lindsay, follow her blog (she posts recipes).

My computer isn't broken anymore (knock on wood)!

Chico and I are settling in to Brooklyn. My computer has been broken since before I left and I just got it back. Woot!

As I said in my last post, Chico and drove alllll the way up. The drive wasn't what I thought it was going to be like. I imagined me and Chico stopping at every rest stop and running through the grass, celebrating our trek from state to state, many Instagram montages of us running and smiling and high five-ing. I also downloaded three Stephen King books, each over 20 hours long.

Chico and I did not high five once. He was very nervous the day before, even throwing up. He seemed to think I was planning on leaving him in Atlanta. Silly, silly. As soon as I put him in the car and he realized he was coming he passed the eff out. We stopped 2 or 3 times until Richmond. I passed several rest stops, but I was too focused and angry (I hate driving) to stop. Same for the second day.

But we made it! Chico has had a hard time adjusting to being a true city dog. There is very little grass and greenery for him to go to the bathroom on. He is freaked out by all of the loud noises and people everywhere. I try to take him to Prospect Park on Saturdays. It is an amazing vibe there, tons of people and dogs. We met a girl with chihuahuas. She and they are lovely.

Have a great Monday!

Moving dramarama

The 24 hours between Sunday at 11pm and Monday at 10:59pm may rival all of the other stressful experiences I've had (I'm definitely being a little dramatic).

I decided last week I was leaving to move to New York a week earlier than planned at the urging of a friend. From Atlanta, I'm having an impossible time getting people to talk to me about renting. This friend told me I can stay with her and I'll have no problem finding a place within a week. On Sunday night, after tirelessly getting my things together and finding places to stay on the drive up and coming to terms with not having Chico until someone brings him to me when visiting (he can't stay at her house), my friend texted to let me know I can't stay with her due to her roommate's personal situation. I was devastated. I spent most of the night scanning the AirBnB app looking for a really cheap place to stay for a week (in my budget, I can only afford a bunk bed in a weird hostel-ish situation). Sigh

Monday morning, I received an email from a girl I spoke to last week and she told me she was giving me my dream apartment in my dream neighborhood for a great price and she wanted to Skype later last night. Joy! Once we Skyped, she told me she gave the apartment to someone else. (Booooooooo!)

At this news, I started to have a meltdown. Fortunately, I was already texting Bestie and when I told her I didn't get the apartment and thought I was going to die. She invited me to come over for homemade spaghetti.

Me and Bestie a few years ago when I had blonde hair and she was just as awesome as ever

She hugged me and fed me and we talked it out. She made a great suggestion (fly up next week with the sole purpose of finding a place so I don't have to worry about my car and my dog and my things). She told me she's proud of me and sad I'm leaving and told me I can do it. And I felt better.

I'm so thankful for wonderful friends like Bestie, and the friend in New York who wanted to welcome me up (and unfortunately can't because out something outside of her control). Even though Monday sucked and I cried a little, I'm still going to do it. Bestie (and my mom) pointed out that a year ago, I'd probably have given up before even getting to this point. Anything hard wasn't worth working for, and now it is. I'm worth it. I'm going to find a place to live and I'm going up to a great job with awesome people. It's going to be great.

Appreciating the moment

This weekend, one of my lovely friends had an awesome birthday party. There was a fire pit and live music (all provided by friends). It was super low key and great. We sat around the camp fire, talked, celebrated Katie (the birthday girl). Knowing I'm leaving the state soon to venture somewhere completely new and alien to me makes me extremely thankful for these moments. 

I love the way Atlanta (the south) smells in the summer. It's a sweet and earthy smell. And the sounds of the cicadas greets us every night. We caught lightning bugs once they came out at dusk. A three-year-old had a lot of interest in this, and we got him a jar and caught some. His mom said those were his first lightning bugs ever. There aren't lightning bugs where I'm going. That's so weird to me. I've had them around me every summer of my life. 

A few of the trees in the yard were covered in lightning bugs, way up high. It looked like the trees were sparkling. It was magical beyond anything I've ever seen. I wish I could've gotten a picture of it, but it wouldn't have come out. 

The live music around the camp fire in the darkness of the night was awesome. Katie danced around and played the fiddle (I didn't even know she played). The whole night was magic and I'm so very thankful I got to be there. These are the memories I'll cherish once I move away.

Being a friend

Yesterday, a friend of mine was having a rough time and she called me to have coffee so she could vent. While, this seems like a small matter, for me it's huge. 

The past year has been full of many changes, including learning to be a friend. Before this past year, I only knew how to take and take and take and suck the life out of my friends. I felt that I owned my friends (not in a Single White Female way) and I was very intense about them. I now like to refer to them as my "hostages" because I was a tornado ripping through people's lives and causing drama and draining them emotionally. After so much of that, of course my friends eventually couldn't handle me anymore and moved on with their lives. 

But, I've changed. So much, in fact, that people now call and ask for advice and want to talk things out with me. I used to be the one talking things out constantly, never shutting up to listen to what anyone else was going through. And, if I'm being honest, not caring.

I think I've said it before, but the amazing life I've created for myself in the past year is what I've always wanted. It took much heartache and a lot of growing pains to get to this point, but I couldn't be more thankful of where I am right now. I've always, always wanted to have an abundance of good girls friends, genuine relationships and now I have it. I didn't have to suck the life out of people and be an emotional vampire to get it, either. I had to shut my mouth and open my ears. To have good friends, I learned to be a good friend. And I really couldn't be happier (unless I get a job, of course).

New things

I've taken some time lately to change up my blogging subscriptions. Many of the blogs I follow, I no longer read. I have just been reading them for years and years and have relationships with the writers of these blogs and couldn't let them go. But, having a reader full of loooong blog posts I don't want to read stresses me out. So, I did the unthinkable (to me anyway) and deleted them out of my reader. People and relationships change over time. And that's ok. I mean, I've changed. I changed so much I started a new blog and left my old one to die.

Today was the first day I've realized how excited I am to open my reader and see posts from my subscriptions. I feel like a baby blogger again, when everything was new and exciting and new posts felt like catching up with friends. It's a great feeling. I'm seeking new blogs that cater to my interests and am interested making new relationships. I love the friendships I've made through blogging and can't wait to make new ones. Here are some of my new favorites:

Silly Grrl

Wonderful, inspirational and positive person and blogger. She's a freelance designer and shares her experience and tips.

Lucky Lucille

A sewing blog that includes way more than just sewing. Her contagious smiles alone are a reason to check her out

& Kathleen

Another freelance designer. Except Kathleen and her husband tend to drop everything and travel the world. Fascinating.

A Fine Day For

Elisabeth is actually a friend of mine from school, but I didn't know she had a blog until the lovely Katrina over at Pugly Pixel (who I've been reading for years but and recently having a renaissance with) featured her. She's an amazing illustrator and has lots of interesting things to say and share.

What are you reading lately?

Magic

On Thursday, I was having a hard time getting motivated. Feeling sorry for myself and stressed out. Even though I had some work to do, I couldn't make myself get off the couch. Randomly, my friend KT called to see if I was available to hang out.

She took me to the zoo. And it was wonderful. The Atlanta Zoo is small and not that amazing, but it makes me nostalgic for my childhood. Not to mention, I just love going to the zoo. Seeing the animals is so exciting. KT was just was excited as I was, which was soooooo nice. It's rare to find people as thrilled as me about most things (I'm an excitable person). We were running around, feeding giraffes, asking the zoo keepers and volunteers questions, it was great.

I'm so blessed to have amazing friends. It's what I've wanted my whole life, and now that I've learned to be a friend and be present in my own life as well as lives of those around me, I am surrounded a group of lovely lady friends and I just can't imagine my life getting any better than it is now (barring the occasional depressed day).

It's over

As I mentioned several times last week, I graduated on Friday. I've been relaxing it up since then and playing with friends and family. Friday night was pretty much the best night ever. It was wonderful. It's amazing to be done and have everything ready to go. I'm really proud of my portfolio. Seeing it printed out was the first time I felt like I can do this. I don't feel like I'm just flailing around, faking it. In the past two years, I've learned so much about design and even more about myself. Next up, finding a job!

The was such a wonderful moment. Ready for the meet and greet to begin

Posing as if my book is the most amazing thing they've ever seen

On Sunday my bridge club/Game of Thrones ladies got me an awesome rainbow cake

And mini tiaras

Bowties

This weekend was super fun!

It was my little brother's birthday. My family went over to his house and spent some time with him, his wife and my nephew. It was lovely and my nephew is just the cutest. He's pulling up on things now without help, it's so much fun to watch.

And then out to dinner with friends and got some possibly really exciting news about graduation stuff. I've been friends with these people for forever and it's nice to be out with people you love. 

We all look possessed in this picture because boys don't know how to use the camera

Then, Sunday I took pictures for my friend's son's first birthday. His theme was old man so there were lots of mustaches and bow-ties. I allowed my mustache hatred to take a vacation for a day. I haven't had time to process any of the pictures yet, so the one below is just an iPhone pic.

She gave him his very one little cake. It was amazing.

I had a great weekend that properly prepared me for the crazy week ahead. In a couple of days when I'm in a lack of sleep fueled melt down, maybe this post will bring me back to sanity. Or, maybe I'll just take a nap. We'll see.

Movie Review: Oz the Great and Powerful

This isn't a horror movie, but it was an occasion where I rounded up a group of lady friends and convinced them to come to the movies with me latish on a week night. It counts. We went to see Oz the Great and Powerful. I love The Wizard of Oz with all of my heart and soul. I have red, sparkly mary janes and have had several pairs throughout my life, I collect (tasteful) memorabilia, I've read the books, I love love love it.

My expectations for this movie were very low. I had high hopes, but low expectations. Hollywood often messes up these epic types of movies and after being so disappointed with Alice in Wonderland, I assumed Disney may once again miss the mark.

Fortunately, I was delightfully surprised that this Disney remake (kind of) of an old and beloved classic was awesome. It started off black and white and went to amazing, bright colors. The story was pretty cool and the animation was amazing. There was a little girl made out of china which might have been the best part of the movie. Her character was soooo cute and the little sound effects made while she was walking was fantastic.

And, you can get this amazing shirt to represent:

So, see the movie. It rocks. The end.