A sign in East Atlanta Village. Taken by bittermelon.
I've been back in Atlanta for a couple of weeks and it feels great! It's a little weird because it kind of feels as if I never left, but I'm not sure where everything is when I'm driving. I forgot how lovely it is to be surrounded by people I love and people who love me. That's one fantastic thing about my neighborhood. Most of my favorite people are just minutes away.
I expected things to be a little challenging when I got back. I tried to prepare emotionally for feeling like nothing had changed when everything had changed. Unfortunately, there is no way to prepare for that. Coming back to a place and to people after being away for a year and a half takes acclimating and that sucks. I hate being uncomfortable! Every day is a little bit easier. I gave myself a break. I did just move across the country, am planning a wedding, started a new job, bought a car and am driving and am no longer in a long distance relationship. Those things might drive even the sanest person a little crazy.
When I moved to New York a year and a half ago, it was the hardest and scariest thing I've ever done. I had a couple of friends spread out across the boroughs, but not close enough to where I lived to see on a regular basis.
It was very lonely and hard at first. I cried a lot and was alone a lot. I'd never lived so far from home and so far from what was familiar. New York is pretty much a different country from Atlanta, I couldn't understand what people were saying half the time for the first few months. People are much more abrasive here and that was quite a difficult adjustment for me.
All of this being said, I now have a full life in New York. I have wonderful friends I plan on keeping for life. Bonding with people here is a different experience than anywhere else. New York City is so hard, sometimes all you can do is laugh or cry with a good friend (or a stranger). I'm sad to leave all of my lovely friends. I'm sad to leave my amazing job and awesome coworkers.
I'm leaving for all of the reasons this article states (which is satire, but pretty damn close to the truth). While I'll miss the city a little, I'll mainly miss the people I met from all walks of life, here to follow their dreams. I'll miss the constant challenge (this will be more of a conceptual missing). I found myself here, a little. I am coming in to my own as a fine artist and I couldn't have done that without this experience.
There was a New York City fry exhibit last weekend. Honestly, I skimmed the first paragraph, looked at the pictures and put the address into my phone. I saw that you couldn’t eat the fries that were being exhibited, but I didn’t really think you wouldn’t be able to eat there. I mean, it was an exhibit about food. Of course there was going to be food.
There wasn’t any food.
It was literally just fries under glass with wire stuck through them, straight up, like fingers. Fries aren’t that interesting to look at. Sure, some have more pepper than others, some are fat, some are skinny, long, short, ect. But, you’ve seen 5 fries, you’ve seen them all. And that’s how this exhibit was. The Romanian (friend I went with) and I were not very happy we trekked all the way down to Nolita in the cold to walk around french fries for 10 minutes. I don’t feel more cultured at all. I didn’t benefit from seeing the fries in any way. Other than the Romanian and I rolling our eyes at each other and laughing about how New York this whole thing was. Did I mention there wasn’t any food?!!
Next, we headed over to the DUMBO Festival of Lights. When we got off the train, we pushed through hoards of people toward the Manhattan Bridge–where these spectacular lights were supposed to be taking place. When I say hoards, I mean hoards. Like the L train during rush hour amount of people as far as the eye can see. The Romanian and I held hands so we didn’t lose one another. But, unfortunately, the police shut down everything because there were too many people.
I don't even understand how it is possible to hold a free event on a Saturday in Brooklyn, New York and not plan for 10,000s of people. We didn't get to see anything. The Romanian and I did go to Dewey's Candy on Front Street. I've been trying to go there since before I tried to move here. Every time I'm in DUMBO, it's closed.
We are planning to reconvene at the MET to see the Cubism event soon. You can't eat paintings and I doubt there will be too many people for them to show the exhibit.
If you haven't seen or heard yet, the above video is a song called, "Brooklyn Girls" by Catey Shaw. I love the song. I think it's great, it's super catchy and Shaw is adorable. Not to mention her smokey voice is beautiful.
In the song, she crones about "Brooklyn Girls," and this has pissed a bunch of people off. I get it, if you're living in Park Slope or Bay Ridge or Flushing, this song isn't talking about you even though you're in Brooklyn. But, as someone from somewhere else who recently moved to North Brooklyn (what Shaw actually means when she claims Brooklyn), this song makes sense.
Where I live in Brooklyn is exactly what Shaw portrays in her music video, except I live in Greenpoint and there is less graffiti and everything is cleaner. But there are just as many people with colored hair (I'm one of them) and tattoos (again me) and weird piercings and skateboarding and all of the other cliques that are shown. Shaw's Brooklyn girl is me, I'm an outsider who came to New York to pursue art and writing, and all that, and found an affordable cool place to live with other people who are a lot like me. Is that so wrong? Everything I thought about living in Brooklyn is what it's like to live in Brooklyn. And everything I thought about living in Brooklyn is in this video. '
Gawker's Jordan Sargent says, "Shaw's worst crime is not making a statement about Brooklyn, it's being corny. She was in essence, pilloried for speaking the wrong language." And I totally agree, but unlike him and many others, I love that it's so corny. This video is a parody of North Brooklyn, but North Brooklyn is a parody of Brooklyn. That's why this song and video are so much fun. And I don't think that "Brooklyn Girls" is an aggressively poppy pop song meant to capture the zeitgeist of the borough" as New York Mag put it. It's just fun. It's meant to be fun. Shaw isn't making a comment on society as a whole, she's just a young 22-year-old trying to make it and have some fun.
So, everyone, chill out. Time.com said it best, "Catey Shaw isn't actually singing about Brooklyn the place. She's singing about Brooklyn the adjective...The whole this about a Brooklyn girl is you don't have to be from Brooklyn." Let's all just get over ourselves a little and stop taking everything so damn seriously. Most of us aren't from here anyway. And we can always, always one more catchy pop song in our lives.
I spent the weekend with Boyfriend and some of his family in Wisconsin. It was my first time and I assumed I'd spend it looking at cows and playing with farm animals. No such luck. I didn't get to see many animals, but I did get to spend some time in the farm land and small town USA.
Meeting Boyfriend's family was nice. They were all salt of the earth people. It was nice to take a break from New York and see how things can be simpler and slower. Things are simpler and slower in Atlanta, too, it's not just a Wisconsin thing. Apparently, part of living in New York City is the opportunity to spend time out of it and recharge. Even so, it was great to get back to seeing people everywhere. I can't imagine living somewhere without constantly seeing people. I'm a city girl at heart.
Yesterday was my friend Katy’s birthday. For her
celebration, she invited me to go to some New York thing with her in the
Financial District. She sent me the summary for the event, but I barely skimmed
it, assuming it was some kind of museum, art thing (which I’m super into). And
it’s her birthday, so I was willing to do whatever she wanted.
I was pleasantly surprised, while figuring out how to get
there, to discover I was participating in The Revolutionary New York ScavengerHunt. It was so much fun! Katy and I ran around Wall Street and Downtown New
York for two hours learning about the founding fathers involvement in creating
New York City and trying to beat this German family we viewed as direct
competition. I saw the first paved street of the city, a statue of George
Washington, Alexander Hamilton’s grave and, my favorite, nuns (not part of the
hunt).
It was a great way to spend the first truly spring day. If
you’re in the New York City area, Watson Adventures has a lot of different
scavenger hunts all over the city. And they’re in some other cities, as well.
I loved the day so much, I texted Boyfriend and told him he
needs to move up here so we can get a studio down there. Near the water and
Stone Street. ‘sigh’ Now that the winter’s over, I’m loving it here again.
As per usual, I saw Oculus
last night. It comes out in theaters everywhere today. While I always have high
hopes for horror movies (I go on opening night and sacrifice a full nights’
sleep), they usually suck (lately none as badly as Mamaor Sinister, which
Kaybe loves. I just don’t get it). Fortunately for me, Oculus lives up to it’s 72% Rotton Tomatoes ranking. It’s
horrifying.
Kaylie (Karen Gillan) and Tim Russell (Brenton Thwaites) are
struggling to pull their lives back together and move on when Tim is released
from a psychiatric facility 11 years after their parents’ brutal murders. Tim
wants to quietly return to society, forgetting the horrors from years before,
while Kaylie is determined to confront the evil mirror she believes is
responsible for the destruction of her family. She brings the mirror and Tim
into the family’s former home and calamity ensues.
Look at that bloody neck
One of the things I love so much about this flick is the
timeline. It constantly changes back and forth between present day and eleven
years previous, but the viewer rarely knows if the timelines are interacting,
which timeline the characters are actually seeing, or if the actions happening
to the older and younger versions of Kaylie and Tim are overlapping. All of
this successfully lends to the unease and tension present throughout the movie.
This hairstyle is weird
It was so scary, one of my friends who came to the theater
with me left halfway through (she didn’t know it was a horror movie, but I
still feel like she’d have just laughed her way through the scary parts if it
had been Mama). I’m sad she missed
out on the ending because it was a good one. Unlike most horror movies (I watch
a ton of them) events didn’t wrap up nicely and ruin everything. There’s no
happily ever after here, guys. I think horror movie addicts, such as myself,
will feel that this ending isn’t one we’ll have to forget about in order the
like this film.
My recommendation is to shell out the $10-14 to see it in
the theaters. I prefer Williamsburg Cinemas in Williamsburg where they don’t
have jalpenos, search you and harass me every time I bring Chico.
On Friday night, opening night, I watched Afflicted (I couldn't see it Thursday, can you believe that?!). I tried to watch it with
Derp, but she was throwing up and not up for horror. For most of last week, I
worked to find a theater to watch this movie in, but there was only one in the
50 miles around New York City and the times didn’t work for me. No worries! It
was also available for digital download.
I had very high hopes for this one. It was described as
being incredible and unlike the rest of the found footage genre. Which is true,
it is different than the other found footage movies, but not in a good way.
Everything from the trailer is from the first 20 minutes of
the movie then it’s 45 more minutes of weirdness and not making sense. My
recommendation is to keep your $6.99 and wait for the other amazing horror
movies coming out in April. Occulus
this weekend!
On Sunday, Derp and I went to the New Museum to check out
the work of Polish artist Pawel Althamer in his exhibit entitled: TheNeighbors. I saw a sign for the exhibition in one of the L subway stations on
Saturday. Althamer’s little diorama drew me in.
I love sculpture and I was excited to see three floors of
it. Derp and I started at the top and worked our way down. The topmost floor of
the exhibit was a room filled with children (mostly) and other people painting
on walls. Althamer’s work examines social interactions and relationships and
this is such a cool way to do it. There were paint cans everywhere and people
running around with paint brushes painting on every surface imaginable. My
favorite image was a little girl who’d made a light brown soup out of several
colors and was wiping it all over a folding chair and herself.
Adorkable Derp
The second floor consisted of several statues spaced well
apart, (make sure you don’t cross the line, those museum docents are on it). Althamer had help creating these works from some guys he met in Africa. Their group creation is quite original.
The little dudes below are so cute, I love their whole scene. They are on the subway poster that made me want to see the show.
Many others, but these little dudes are my favorite
The third floor is a dark room with sculptures everywhere. They have plaster cast faces; apparently Althamer used people in his life and put each person’s name somewhere on the surface.
I was very interested in how the statues worked with each
other and with the audience. You have to steer your body carefully around each
statue to navigate the room. I love the reasoning behind the pieces, it reminds me
of the concepts I'm working with right now in my own work. I’m not using sculpture, I’m using
shapes to represent the connection, but the concepts are there. I’m very
inspired by this showing.
If you can make it over there, Althamer’s works will be
displayed until April 14, 2014. Get there while you still can! Here’s a link to
the New Museum’s site.
Before I begin this review, I have to tell you that when I
saw Wicked, I didn’t like it because
they took too much creative liberty with my long loved Wizard of Oz.
As previously mentioned, I’m very emotionally invested in
the Divergent books. Probably too
much, but they gave me the gift of laughter and a light heart while having a
hard time and helped me jump start my
creativity and come up with a new medium for my art. How can I not have an
emotional connection with something that gave me so much?
Enough about me, on to the movie; they took some creative
liberties with the story I don’t appreciate. That being said, I see why the
makers of the movie made the decisions they did when compressing the first book
into 2.5 hours. There isn’t time for every single subtle interaction between
the characters.
I went with Derp, Oh Kaye and some other friends who hadn’t
read the books. While we were watching, I was worried the character development
wasn’t enough for them to understand what was going on. I feel that there
wasn’t enough emphasis on the relationships between characters and that the
secondary characters were treated as static characters and not the dynamics
characters I know and love. However, those who didn’t read the books disagreed.
They think the characters are great and enjoyed the movie.
Minus the terrible fight scenes (seriously, what happened
here?), Divergent the movie is pretty
good. Please, please, please go see it so they will make the other two.Or, just read the books, because they
are so good.
Being from the South, any chance to see snow is magical. If we get snow that sticks to the ground we're thrilled. But, when it does stick to the ground, this happens; ridiculous.
Anyway. When I moved up to New York, I assumed it was going to snow a lot more than I was used to. I just didn't think that it was going to snow inches upon inches multiple days a week. I didn't think the only shoes I'd be able to wear were cheerful rain boots at which I'm now tired of looking (I can only match so many outfits to their bright colors).
My friends and coworkers who have lived up here for a long time (or from New York) have assured me this is the coldest, snowiest winter of their lives. I think they're all afraid I'm getting freaked out and planning on escaping back to Atlanta. But, I'm sucking it up.
Also, there are ice mountains along the sides of the road and the side walks. It's super difficult to park and once parked, it's hard to get out. My little Bug is not happy (who ever designed this car did it a terrible disservice by making it so low to the ground).
This past month has been hard. I've been in the trenches battling a particularly hard bout of depression and anxiety. Getting back from Christmas was hard, the New Year was hard and being cold all day every day is hard.
Apparently, this is the coldest New York winter in everyone's memory and by God, it's been brutal. I can barely park my car because of the ice wall that's formed along the sides of each street.
I haven't wanted to do anything but sit in my room, watch Dexter or Revenge (both great choices when you're already depressed) and knit my shawl. I don't want to go out, I don't want to see people. I just want to sit alone and sleep and feel sad. But, friends, this is counterproductive behavior and I don't want to be sad, miserable and lonely. I didn't bust my ass at graduate school for two years and move to New York City to sit in a basement apartment and knit alone.
So, I joined the Y, I've forced myself out of the house. I've talked to friends about how I'm feeling. I even went to the doctor. I hope I'm coming around, the last few days were a little better. I no longer feel like a boulder is sitting on my chest smooshing the air and light out of my soul. That's what depression feels like, like my soul is sick.
I do this thing where I tell myself I'm getting fired. And then I start to have a meltdown and look at my boss and my coworkers and read and react to them as if I were getting fired. Then, in the past, I've gotten fired (but, I was also not good at those jobs and wasn't doing my best).
I do this other thing with art and writing and design where I tell myself I'm not talented and I'm a failure. I go through my work and I hate on in and I look at other, more experienced artist/designers/writers' works and compare my work to theirs and tell myself I'll never be as good as those people. That, I might as well give up.
Right now, I'm doing a combination of both of these things and it's making me miserable. I'm internally freaking out and berating myself. The true is, though, I'm mostly doing the best I can at work. I'm trying, I'm learning and I'm learning to ask for help and say "I don't know." And, of course I'm not as good as my coworker who has been a designer for 15 years, of course!
Also, if I'm going to compare myself to other designers, illustrators and amazing hand-letterers, I need to practice those things outside of work (which I plan to do soon, I just finished up my last knitted Christmas present).
All I have is this moment. I can't berate and punish myself for not working as hard as I could have at school (not true, I was killing myself with not sleeping) or not working every second of 8 hours at work (sometimes I need a few minutes to look at Facebook or go to the bathroom or take a lunch break). I have to stay in the moment, which is with Chico, in the bed (sick day, probably because I'm running myself down telling myself how much I suck). I try and I'm passionate and I don't suck.
I went home for Thanksgiving. It was the first time since I moved to New York. All last week, I tried to prepare myself for what to expect emotionally. I've been so lonely here in New York, I hoped I wouldn't get overwhelmed and sad.
Well, I did (get overwhelmed and sad). It was so lovely to see my friends and family and feel so much love. They told me I look great and beautiful, which I needed to hear (as I recently posted).
Thanksgiving Day was great. It was just as overwhelming and anxiety producing as any large family function is, except this time I had something interesting to share. Living in New York is a great conversation starter. Friday, Boyfriend and I had second Thanksgiving with his family and I got to hold his new nephew, Little Bit, for the first time. It was amazing to have such a small baby cuddle up to me.
Saturday was when I started to get sad. I hung out for a few hours with Bestie then we met up with some of my friends at a coffee shop in Atlanta. So many of my ladies came to see me! I was overjoyed to hug and chat with each one. I felt so loved and a part of, which I haven't felt here (New York).
I forget that time takes time. Relationships don't pop up out of no where. But I've been trying sooooo hard. I feel like I should have more meaningful relationships by now. I do have Lady Pants and my new roomies, I'm just so used to being surrounded by love all the time and I miss that about Atlanta.
I cried much of Saturday night and Sunday and the plane ride home. I'm trying, putting one foot in front of the other. It will get better and easier. I hope.
This week has gone by quickly and was not extremely stressful, so that's good. I went to Rebel Bingo with some friends and it was totally awesome. I encourage you to go if it comes to a city near you. While this week was uneventful, I did learn the importance of buying holiday plane tickets waaaay ahead of time. Those fares are no joke.
Cute and lovely ad campaign for an all girls' school.
Designer looking for work intentionally loses her passport at her favorite agencies in New York.
An artist in Boston, MA interviews the homeless and replaces their sad cardboard signs with beautiful and eye catching ones.
Saturday, a couple of my cousins from down south are going to be in Brooklyn Yayayay! I can't wait to see them and next week I'll be in Atlanta for Thanksgiving.
Derp has been raving and raving about Frances Ha for the past week and how me and Okaye have to watch it and she's already watched it 4 times in the past two weeks but she'll watch it again with us because it's sooooo amazing, and you guys just hafta watch it, ok?!
So, last night the two of us sat down to watch it. I just knew there was no way it was going to live up to Derp's hype. And she was just so fidgety and excited for me to see it. I was actually worried I wasn't going to like it. But, no fear. It was the best, most moving movie I've seen in a long, looooooong time. It was so real and honest.
The movie encapsulated what it's like to be in your 20's (as a female) and even more so what it's like to be in your twenties, single and in New York City following your dreams. It actually addressed many of the things I wrote in my last post (and I wrote that before I'd seen the movie). I felt so vindicated and part of a community. The movie helped me realize (once again) that being here is totally worth the pain and struggle.
Friends, please watch it. I'll even watch it with you. Because it's a refreshing, beautiful and uplifting (while still being tough and honest) story.
Let me know what you think in the comments (if you've seen it, of course).
Moving to a new place is so weird. In Atlanta, I knew where I fit. I thought I knew who I was and I assumed that knowledge was going to transfer to New York. How can one suddenly feel as if she doesn't know herself simply because she has a new zip code? But that's exactly what it's been like.
In Atlanta, I had many, many friends. I knew my presence was wanted, and not in a conceited way. I had genuine relationships. My friends knew me and I knew myself through their eyes. I didn't realize I defined myself through others' eyes so strongly.
The thing is, I didn't really know what others were actually seeing, I just thought I did. But it was so real. Here, in all of this strangeness, I can't define myself through others. Through my friends back home, I knew I was crafty and artistic, warm and friendly, trustworthy, fashionable and likable.
I don't get that from the people I meet here (not all of them, just most). I don't think they see me as I think I am. I get the feeling they think I'm a weirdo, possibly just because I'm an outsider right now.
I second guess myself all the time. I feel like I no longer even know how to dress myself. When looking through my closet, it seems as if none of my clothes go together and never should have. Things as simple as dressing myself is now a mystery. What did I used to wear when it was cold? What did I used to wear on Friday nights? Did I go out on Fridays? What did I do?
Boyfriend and Bestie and my family are so far away. I don't know anymore.
It's so cute, but so murderous (it's trying to give us rabies)
Last night, I was at Pratt Institute in Brooklyn (of all places)and I saw a ginormous raccoon across the courtyard. It was at least 3 times the size of Chico and, I thought, it was adorable. As an animal lover, I knew I needed to get closer to see it's fuzzy little face and I also wanted to shoo it away. I've never shooed a raccoon.
I ran toward it and this dude started screaming at me to get away from it because it might be rabid. I was like, whatever, this thing is totally going to run away from me. It didn't. It ran towards me. We made eye contact and it looked so sad, but it scurried towards me. I froze, because I couldn't believe that this wild animal in the middle of the city is running towards a human. But it was. The screaming dude really got upset at this point. He was insistent that it was rabid and that I'm stupid and get away. I went back to my friends, not sure what to do. It veered it's course and scurried towards a group of people who'd (logically) gathered to take pictures and videos.
This thing was fearless, ya'll. It started up some stairs toward another guy (who was a little too close) taking a video. I guess it decided this was a dead end and it went through some bikes in a bike rack and took off for the bushes. This whole time, the screamer was yelling at us about having to cut it's head off and send the head to Albany to check for rabies if it bit one of us idiots who were too close.
It was awesome. It's moments like these where I love New York.
The weekend was wonderful and relaxing. I got all of my boxes unpacked, although there are still things everywhere, at least they are free from their boxes. I had dreams of going out over the last 2 days and being a part of the world, but I chose to stay in and organize my room and hang out with Chico. We enjoyed our new space.
Yesterday, Wonder Woman and Derp (roomies) made homemade bread and homemade soup for us to share. They're amazing. Above is a picture Derp took of her creation (I stole it off her facebook page). We stayed in and watched Hocus Pocus and chatted about life. It was truly lovely compared to the stress of finding an apartment and living in a bad situation that was the last two months. I am so grateful for this unexpected change of pace. Chico is like a different dog, he is so much happier.
