Monday, November 18, 2013

Stranger in a strange town

He also feels lost and doesn't know what to wear
Moving to a new place is so weird. In Atlanta, I knew where I fit. I thought I knew who I was and I assumed that knowledge was going to transfer to New York. How can one suddenly feel as if she doesn't know herself simply because she has a new zip code? But that's exactly what it's been like.

In Atlanta, I had many, many friends. I knew my presence was wanted, and not in a conceited way. I had genuine relationships. My friends knew me and I knew myself through their eyes. I didn't realize I defined myself through others' eyes so strongly.

The thing is, I didn't really know what others were actually seeing, I just thought I did. But it was so real. Here, in all of this strangeness, I can't define myself through others. Through my friends back home, I knew I was crafty and artistic, warm and friendly, trustworthy, fashionable and likable.

I don't get that from the people I meet here (not all of them, just most). I don't think they see me as I think I am. I get the feeling they think I'm a weirdo, possibly just because I'm an outsider right now.

I second guess myself all the time. I feel like I no longer even know how to dress myself. When looking through my closet, it seems as if none of my clothes go together and never should have. Things as simple as dressing myself is now a mystery. What did I used to wear when it was cold? What did I used to wear on Friday nights? Did I go out on Fridays? What did I do?

Boyfriend and Bestie and my family are so far away. I don't know anymore.



    being new somewhere is SUPER weird, even if you know a lot of people. When I moved here, some of my best friends already lived in this town, and I still felt totes lost, doubtful and a freak. give time time, as they say, Whit.
    Love you
    PS you always look cool. New Yorkers all dress the same, don't squelch your southern flavor


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