I've always been one of those people that doesn't try if I don't think I'm going to be the best at something (or at least very good at it). If I'm not going to stand out and be a shining star, I've never seen the point. The only times in my life (until lately) I tried things I didn't know I was going to rock at, were trying out for dance team in 8th grade (oh the horror) and summer swim league in 9th and 10th grades (I was so slow my coach made me swim with the 12 year olds).
I've always felt I need to be the smartest, best, prettiest, thinnest, funniest, ect...It's extremely exhausting.
When I look at pictures from a few years ago and I weighed 100lbs, I think how nice it would be to be that thin again and how awesome I looked. Instead of getting stuck in thinking I look horrible now, I have to remember how miserable I was then. My boyfriend of 4 years and I just broke up, I cried all the time, I wasn't eating; I was generally being a shady mothafucka. Was it worth it? Do I really want to look like that again in exchange for feeling horrible? I don't think so.
I need to accept that average is often good enough. There's always going to be someone prettier, smarter, thinner, funnier, more talented. That's life. Instead of focusing on how much I think I suck, I need to spend my energy being as awesome as I want to be. And enjoy my life. Because it's pretty amazing.