Another Flower Girl

I recently finished a portrait commission of an actual person. All of the people and things I draw and paint come from photographs, but they rarely to never have to look like the inspiration once I'm done. And, since I'm self taught and haven't been watercolor painting for very long, I often have no idea what I'm doing. This is definitely the case with painting portraits. Those things are hard.

I discovered masking fluid, life saver, and I got a hair dryer. Both of these things are going to be a major part of my future practice.

Before I began this one, I was excited and a little nervous. Instead of painting blindly and hoping it turns out ok, like I normally do, I read some articles about painting skin and hair. (If you'd like to read them, go here and here.) The thing I enjoy about watercolor is that if I make a mistake, I can pick up the color with a paper towel.

Picking out the embroidery colors was quite a feat with this one. 

Here is the finished product. I'm pleased with her! And, for once, I know what I did to achieve these results and am confident I can repeat them in a future project. I had a hard time picking out the embroidery colors, matching grey and coral is not easy.

I've already started my next project and I'm trying out gouache. A similar process, but different enough.

Errands

Boyfriend's dream bedroom {source}

Now that Boyfriend and I are married (for two whole weeks!), we’re trying to make our house a home. We packed all of our returns into the car and drove to Crate & Barrel. Once there, we were both uncharacteristically thrilled over such things as tongs, a hand-cranked coffee grinder and a double-sided potato peeler. We carefully perused the bath mats, but figured we might as well wait until Bed, Bath & Beyond where they’re more affordable. 

Bed, Bath and Beyond wasn’t able to offer us the trash can of our (my) dreams, but we found sheets acceptable to both of us; he insisting on jersey sheets and me insisting that I will NOT sleep on jersey because I’m over 21. I don’t care how soft and stretchy they are, that is a firm no. 

Next up, Target. I still didn’t find the amazing trashcan from my registry. Simple Human Butterfly Step Trashcan, one  day you will be mine! We were able to find some affordable chairs and a little table for our porch. After this, I dragged Boyfriend to Home Depot because we HAVE to have some hanging plants to go on the porch. I need to gaze at them from the new chairs. 

I’m telling you all of this because we are now that couple from Old School. Maybe soon we’ll have you over to show you our hanging plants and have you stand on the memory foam bath mat. 

Bright Lights and French Fries

There was a New York City fry exhibit last weekend. Honestly, I skimmed the first paragraph, looked at the pictures and put the address into my phone. I saw that you couldn’t eat the fries that were being exhibited, but I didn’t really think you wouldn’t be able to eat there. I mean, it was an exhibit about food. Of course there was going to be food. 

There wasn’t any food.

It was literally just fries under glass with wire stuck through them, straight up, like fingers. Fries aren’t that interesting to look at. Sure, some have more pepper than others, some are fat, some are skinny, long, short, ect. But, you’ve seen 5 fries, you’ve seen them all. And that’s how this exhibit was. The Romanian (friend I went with) and I were not very happy we trekked all the way down to Nolita in the cold to walk around french fries for 10 minutes. I don’t feel more cultured at all. I didn’t benefit from seeing the fries in any way. Other than the Romanian and I rolling our eyes at each other and laughing about how New York this whole thing was. Did I mention there wasn’t any food?!! 

Next, we headed over to the DUMBO Festival of Lights. When we got off the train, we pushed through hoards of people toward the Manhattan Bridge–where these spectacular lights were supposed to be taking place. When I say hoards, I mean hoards. Like the L train during rush hour amount of people as far as the eye can see. The Romanian and I held hands so we didn’t lose one another. But, unfortunately, the police shut down everything because there were too many people. 

I don't even understand how it is possible to hold a free event on a Saturday in Brooklyn, New York and not plan for 10,000s of people. We didn't get to see anything. The Romanian and I did go to Dewey's Candy on Front Street. I've been trying to go there since before I tried to move here. Every time I'm in DUMBO, it's closed. 

We are planning to reconvene at the MET to see the Cubism event soon. You can't eat paintings and I doubt there will be too many people for them to show the exhibit. 

Damn the Man! Save the Empire!

Over the weekend I watched Empire Records with Derp. It was her first time. I don't know if I was more excited about watching the movie or about her watching the movie.

I haven't sat down just to watch Empire Records in several years (and not as background noise or with commercial interruptions). Last year, I tried to get boyfriend to watch it, but he just fell asleep and ruined the experience. Derp was so excited to see it that it upped my excitement (Dear Boyfriend, you're missing out).

In high school, when things weren't going to well, I'd play the movie and fall into Rex Manning Day at the coolest record store to ever happen to this world. While watching this weekend, I experienced a nostalgic walk through 10-12th grade me. The clothes, the music (Can you feel it, Sugar High!), the hair, the one liners (What's with today, today?). I feel like that's what makes the movie so memorable for me and my friends. The party scene at the end is the kind of night I always wanted to have. People united in a cause and having a wonderful, magical experience. I chased that kind of night and rarely (if ever) got one. But pushing Empire Records into the VCR and taking 90 minutes to immerse myself in their world made me feel like I'd had the night of my life.

I also have a thing for 90's music and their angsty lyrics (a boy with a bun recently said to me, "The 90's are so hot right now"). Empire Records speaks to teenage me. A time for endless possibility and fun. Where anyone can follow the girl of his dreams to Boston to go to art school without any college experience; where no one gets fired or goes to jail; where a store owner will take a plastic barrel of money as payment for the store. And it always smells like summer.

A Weekend in Wisconsin

I spent the weekend with Boyfriend and some of his family in Wisconsin. It was my first time and I assumed I'd spend it looking at cows and playing with farm animals. No such luck. I didn't get to see many animals, but I did get to spend some time in the farm land and small town USA. 

Meeting Boyfriend's family was nice. They were all salt of the earth people. It was nice to take a break from New York and see how things can be simpler and slower. Things are simpler and slower in Atlanta, too, it's not just a Wisconsin thing. Apparently, part of living in New York City is the opportunity to spend time out of it and recharge. Even so, it was great to get back to seeing people everywhere. I can't imagine living somewhere without constantly seeing people. I'm a city girl at heart.

Home, but not anymore

Pictures with a portion of loved ones

I went home for Thanksgiving. It was the first time since I moved to New York. All last week, I tried to prepare myself for what to expect emotionally. I've been so lonely here in New York, I hoped I wouldn't get overwhelmed and sad.

Well, I did (get overwhelmed and sad). It was so lovely to see my friends and family and feel so much love. They told me I look great and beautiful, which I needed to hear (as I recently posted).

Thanksgiving Day was great. It was just as overwhelming and anxiety producing as any large family function is, except this time I had something interesting to share. Living in New York is a great conversation starter. Friday, Boyfriend and I had second Thanksgiving with his family and I got to hold his new nephew, Little Bit, for the first time. It was amazing to have such a small baby cuddle up to me.

Saturday was when I started to get sad. I hung out for a few hours with Bestie then we met up with some of my friends at a coffee shop in Atlanta. So many of my ladies came to see me! I was overjoyed to hug and chat with each one. I felt so loved and a part of, which I haven't felt here (New York).

I forget that time takes time. Relationships don't pop up out of no where. But I've been trying sooooo hard. I feel like I should have more meaningful relationships by now. I do have Lady Pants and my new roomies, I'm just so used to being surrounded by love all the time and I miss that about Atlanta.

I cried much of Saturday night and Sunday and the plane ride home. I'm trying, putting one foot in front of the other. It will get better and easier. I hope.

Thankfulness: Yet Another Thanksgiving Post

Amazing example of serenity brought to you by Paul Linton

I was looking over my Life List, adding stand up comedy to my list of goals, and I saw that I'd already completed #51: Get Rid of Stuff. Boy, did I get rid of stuff when I packed my whole life into my VW Bug and headed north. I got rid of furniture enough to furnish an entire house, most of my shoes, books, clothing, ect.

I also completed #43: Visit the monastery in Conyers. I've been wanting to go there for at least 10 years because of their state renown gardens, but I never made the time. Over the summer between graduation and starting my job, I took an afternoon to myself and visited. The experience was amazing. I'm not a religious gal, but I am deeply spiritual and I was overcome by the beauty, stillness and serenity while sitting alone in the sanctuary (is that what it's called?). I'm so thankful I took that time to drive the 45 minutes.

Seeing these two items completed prompted me to look over the rest of the list and mark off several items. In doing so, I'm a little overcome with emotion. Before I started on this journey to better myself and my life, I never completed anything. I didn't have goals, therefore I didn't complete goals. I was too afraid to fail, so I never tried. And now, I see that I'm no longer completely afraid to try. It takes guts to get rid of all your stuff and move across the country. I'm so proud of myself and so thankful I finally realized struggle is part of the journey and I am worth taking a chance on.

Happy Thanksgiving

The raccoon was a huge beast

It's so cute, but so murderous (it's trying to give us rabies)

Last night, I was at Pratt Institute in Brooklyn (of all places) and I saw a ginormous raccoon across the courtyard. It was at least 3 times the size of Chico and, I thought, it was adorable. As an animal lover, I knew I needed to get closer to see it's fuzzy little face and I also wanted to shoo it away. I've never shooed a raccoon.

I ran toward it and this dude started screaming at me to get away from it because it might be rabid. I was like, whatever, this thing is totally going to run away from me. It didn't. It ran towards me. We made eye contact and it looked so sad, but it scurried towards me. I froze, because I couldn't believe that this wild animal in the middle of the city is running towards a human. But it was. The screaming dude really got upset at this point. He was insistent that it was rabid and that I'm stupid and get away. I went back to my friends, not sure what to do. It veered it's course and scurried towards a group of people who'd (logically) gathered to take pictures and videos.

This thing was fearless, ya'll. It started up some stairs toward another guy (who was a little too close) taking a video. I guess it decided this was a dead end and it went through some bikes in a bike rack and took off for the bushes. This whole time, the screamer was yelling at us about having to cut it's head off and send the head to Albany to check for rabies if it bit one of us idiots who were too close.

It was awesome. It's moments like these where I love New York.

Grateful for awesome roomies

{Derp's bread by Derp}

The weekend was wonderful and relaxing. I got all of my boxes unpacked, although there are still things everywhere, at least they are free from their boxes. I had dreams of going out over the last 2 days and being a part of the world, but I chose to stay in and organize my room and hang out with Chico. We enjoyed our new space.

Yesterday, Wonder Woman and Derp (roomies) made homemade bread and homemade soup for us to share. They're amazing. Above is a picture Derp took of her creation (I stole it off her facebook page). We stayed in and watched Hocus Pocus and chatted about life. It was truly lovely compared to the stress of finding an apartment and living in a bad situation that was the last two months. I am so grateful for this unexpected change of pace. Chico is like a different dog, he is so much happier.

Have a great Monday!

Three Years Reflection

Pictures from the amazing going away party my friends threw me

One of my friends IMed me last week that she wants to be a graphic designer. And live in New York. And have a cute dog. And a blog.

This got me thinking. Three years ago this week, I lost my job. Chico's dad and I broke up a couple months earlier, and I was still having a hard time with the break up. I had no idea what I wanted to do with myself. I was simply floating through my life grabbing onto one this after the next and I felt as if I couldn't get my head above water. Day after day, I perused job listings. The only thing was, I didn't know what I wanted to do. Two years before, I'd dropped out of my feminist rhetoric graduate program because it wasn't what was promised to me by the school (not to mention I wasn't mature enough for it). I'd planned on getting my PhD in writing for so long I felt it defined me. I was no longer pursuing that dream and I didn't know who I was without it.  I was a nobody with a shitty prospects and no hope and now no job and no boyfriend.

For about a year, I'd been toying with the idea of going back to school for design. I knew it was going to be difficult for me to "find my thing" with an BA in english. Let's face it, it just means you have been trained to do a little of everything and a whole lot of nothing; not to mention planning on getting your PhD is a lot less cool than actually having one.

I talked with many many friends and family members. I went to check out a couple of design programs in Atlanta and chose one for me. And I've never looked back. Even when I hadn't slept for days and I was having anxiety break downs, I knew I'd made the right decision. I didn't have anything to go back to.

Going to the school I did forced me to take a look a myself in ways I'd never been desperate enough to do before. I'd never struggled or work as hard as I did in that school. I learned sooo much about myself (this lesson was more valuable than all I learned from design) and what I'd been doing before wasn't working for me any more. I pretty much changed everything about my life and myself. I threw out the bad and kept the good (this includes people, clothing, character defects, beliefs, ect).

It's amazing how much has changed and how much happier and fulfilled I am now. In just 3 short years, I have almost everything I've ever wanted for myself: happiness, peace and meaningful friendships.

Rough

Photo by NYC Parks

This past month has been rough. Since my apartment flooded, I've been looking for apartments nonstop and trying to deal with my landlord. I've never been through anything like this before. Searching for an apartment in New York is ridiculous. You have to pay first month's rent (and sometimes last, as well), security deposit and often times, a broker's fee. That's 3 or 4 times the rent. And the rent here is insanely expensive. I don't just have $3,000-$5,000 lying around.

I've been looking on craigslist and several other websites. Meeting potential roommates to look at a room feels like going on a job interview. I go in, meet them, feel like we have a lot in common. It went well, I think they liked me, we laughed. Then I'd hear nothing. Nothing. Which is almost worse than no. I felt hopeless and worried about being homeless and cried a lot.

But, I found an apartment! In a nice neighborhood! And there's a dog park nearby! I had given up hope. I'd thought I'd have to pay more to move into another horrible neighborhood. The girls I'm moving in with seem great and I'm really excited. When I paid the deposit, one of them hugged me and told me how excited she is. There are amazing vintage shops (affordable vintage shops) in the neighborhood, not to mention the neighborhood is clean. No one is cleaning old washer/dryers and refrigerators on the street (booming business in Bushwick).

Things are looking up.

Changes changes everywhere

{source}

Before I moved, I'd never been better. I had (and still have, now they are just away) the friends and friendships I've always wanted. A healthy relationship. Self assurance and confidence, and not just shallow look-in-the-mirror-and-think-I'm-hot-confidence, real confidence. In who I am as a person. I knew myself. But, up here in New York, so far, it's different. I'm constantly being reassured that it will get better and New York will start to feel like home, and I believe all that. It just doesn't yet and I don't like that. I want everything here to be like it was there now.

Last week I was struggling. I was listening to Tove Lo over and over again and letting sadness and loneliness take over and swallow me. I was so sad my chest was hurting and I felt as if I couldn't breathe.

I came home from work Wednesday and laid on my bed in my room in the dark and cried. I missed Boyfriend and Bestie and my family and the sounds of Southern voices (everyone here sounds like they are in the mafia) and familiarity and having friends call who want to hang out with me and know me. I felt like moving here was a big mistake and like I'm going to fail at living. It was a huge dramatic mess, Wednesday night.
I called a friend and we talked about it. I turned the lights on and made myself some dinner. I snuggled Chico a bit. I cried some more, but with the lights on I knew it was going to be ok.

My computer isn't broken anymore (knock on wood)!

Chico and I are settling in to Brooklyn. My computer has been broken since before I left and I just got it back. Woot!

As I said in my last post, Chico and drove alllll the way up. The drive wasn't what I thought it was going to be like. I imagined me and Chico stopping at every rest stop and running through the grass, celebrating our trek from state to state, many Instagram montages of us running and smiling and high five-ing. I also downloaded three Stephen King books, each over 20 hours long.

Chico and I did not high five once. He was very nervous the day before, even throwing up. He seemed to think I was planning on leaving him in Atlanta. Silly, silly. As soon as I put him in the car and he realized he was coming he passed the eff out. We stopped 2 or 3 times until Richmond. I passed several rest stops, but I was too focused and angry (I hate driving) to stop. Same for the second day.

But we made it! Chico has had a hard time adjusting to being a true city dog. There is very little grass and greenery for him to go to the bathroom on. He is freaked out by all of the loud noises and people everywhere. I try to take him to Prospect Park on Saturdays. It is an amazing vibe there, tons of people and dogs. We met a girl with chihuahuas. She and they are lovely.

Have a great Monday!

Apartment: Found

I'm back after being in New York all week looking for places to live. It's amazing how much easier my search became after I asked for help from friends and family (not to mention allowing people to help me, I don't know why I still have such a hard time with this). I had an outpouring of friends and friends  of friends through Facebook and emails and text messages and phone calls. It was truly amazing. Even after all of this help, I found my place through craigslist. It's a great apartment, although the renting game in NYC is so precarious, I won't believe I actually have the place until I have the key in my hand.

I met up with a long time Twitter friend, Tiffany Rainey for the first real life hang out. She's awesome and accompanied me and directed me along the confusing streets and subway stops in Brooklyn (they're confusing for me, but I don't think they are for natives). I wouldn't have been able to traverse the neighborhood as quickly without her (if at all).

I made some excellent new friends I'm super pumped about and I think they're super pumped about me, too. I am excited to have a network started before I'm officially there. It's hard to leave my ladies and I feel better about it with the start of some new friendships. Chico even has a playdate with a Griffon next week! Woot! (He's not talking to me right now because I was gone all week, he's such a divo)

The adventure is just beginning! I'm going to try to blog about our drive next week, we'll see how that goes.

I'm moving to New York!

A couple of weeks ago, I flew to NYC to work for a few days. It went well and now I'm moving up there to be a full time employee. I'm really excited, but also scared. I've lived in Atlanta my whole life and this is going to be a whole new world. 

Here, I can't imagine things being better (other than the whole job and money thing). My friends are amazing, Boyfriend is amazing. But, I've always wanted to move to New York and my new job is everything I could've dreamed. In a month, I'm off!

Chico is super pumped to check out everything. He'll be seeing tons of sights on the 15 hour drive there. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate driving because I really hate driving.

A new life awaits me in the near future. 

Meanwhile, I'm getting rid of 75% of my stuff. It's hard. And looking for a place to live, which is a whole new challenge when you're not actually in the city. I have no idea what I'm doing.

I've also never been in a long distance relationship. I'm trying to convince Boyfriend to move, but he keeps telling me he hates New York and will never live there. It's scary to go forward and know he probably won't be there, but you never know. 

Soon Chico and I will be off to the north!

Wreck

I couldn't find the source, if you know it, please let me know

A year ago today, I was driving to my friend's house for Independence day activities and while going 75mph on a very busy interstate, my tire blew and I spun out of control. Cars were swerving all over the place to miss me and I thought I was going to die. I eventually hit another car which caused me to stop spinning and come to a stop in the middle of 5 lanes of traffic. It is the scariest thing that's every happened to me. I spent the rest of the day at my parents' house, shaking.

For the past year, I've been pretty petrified of driving. I'm constantly convinced my car is going to explode and that something is wrong with my tires. But, it's getting better. Some days (as opposed to most), I even like my car again. Good thing because I'm about to drive it 500 miles to my new home (more on that later).

A few days after the accident, Boyfriend and I started dating.

Today, I'm celebrating America's Birthday (duh)! My car is good and got some new tires yesterday! And Boyfriend and my almost anniversary!

Have a great and safe day!

Three Days

source/styling by me

I'm off this morning to a three day interview in the other city. I'm excited and nervous. I'm getting a rental car so I'll be traversing the new city's terrain and this is something to be nervous about all by itself. I'm a fearful driver down here in crazy Atlanta, I can't even imagine what the drivers are like where I'm going; not really possible for another city to have worse drivers than Atlanta.

This is the most adventurous thing I've done for me. I know I've mentioned taking chances on myself several times recently, but here it is, actually happening. Boyfriend is upset. He doesn't think I'm going to come back. He doesn't understand I have to go where the jobs are.

So, I'm off! It's going to be an interesting week! I have no idea what to expect :)