One moment matters

Source

I do this thing where I tell myself I'm getting fired. And then I start to have a meltdown and look at my boss and my coworkers and read and react to them as if I were getting fired. Then, in the past, I've gotten fired (but, I was also not good at those jobs and wasn't doing my best).

I do this other thing with art and writing and design where I tell myself I'm not talented and I'm a failure. I go through my work and I hate on in and I look at other, more experienced artist/designers/writers' works and compare my work to theirs and tell myself I'll never be as good as those people. That, I might as well give up.

Right now, I'm doing a combination of both of these things and it's making me miserable. I'm internally freaking out and berating myself. The true is, though, I'm mostly doing the best I can at work. I'm trying, I'm learning and I'm learning to ask for help and say "I don't know." And, of course I'm not as good as my coworker who has been a designer for 15 years, of course!

Also, if I'm going to compare myself to other designers, illustrators and amazing hand-letterers, I need to practice those things outside of work (which I plan to do soon, I just finished up my last knitted Christmas present).

All I have is this moment. I can't berate and punish myself for not working as hard as I could have at school (not true, I was killing myself with not sleeping) or not working every second of 8 hours at work (sometimes I need a few minutes to look at Facebook or go to the bathroom or take a lunch break). I have to stay in the moment, which is with Chico, in the bed (sick day, probably because I'm running myself down telling myself how much I suck). I try and I'm passionate and I don't suck.

PS: Thanks to Derp for giving me a pep talk :)