Men: Text Messaging

I'm speaking to my ladies in this post.

I've had my suspicions (which I just tried to spell like magicians) about this in past relationships and friendships with men. I've long suspected they can't answer more than one question per text message.  This also applies if you're trying to ask two questions is a row. You have to wait for them to answer the one before asking the second one.

While this is annoying when dealing with any man, I don't need to ask my run of the mill male friends that many questions. However, having a boyfriend changes all this; I have a lot of questions to ask all the time.

Instead of freaking out on Boo (which I'm wont to do), I decided to test this little theory out. And, now I have scientific evidence that I'm right about this. Boys can't answer more than one question per text message. Just to make sure Boo isn't an anomaly, I added some more male subjects to my test: male friends and family members. ALL of them failed.

Not only do women have to be the more beautiful, smarter (don't argue, we can answer more than one question at a time), have babies, cook and clean and be physically weaker, we now know we have to siphon out our text message questions one at a time because your little man brains can't handle more than that. Jesus Christ.

Horror Movie Review: Paranormal Activity 4

I'm sooo glad it's October. Scary stuff coming out in the theaters and now that we have American Horror Story, we can look forward to a horror show as well.

Paranormal Activity 4 opened yesterday. I would've been there on opening night, but I had class. And I had to be up at 6am this morning and just couldn't swing it. Instead, I settled for going earlier this afternoon. It was lovely to have the entire theater to myself at 2pm. I gasped and jumped to my little heart's desire.



So. Ahem. Guys. This movie.

I was very excited about it. I'd normally assume a number 4 of any movie is going to suck. But, last year I went and saw Paranormal Activity 3 (on opening night, of course) and was pleasantly surprised (number 3's tend to suck as well). That movie scared me. The whole rotating camera thing, awesome. I was afraid to get in my car, afraid to get out of the car, afraid to walk into the house, afraid to stay outside...that's what I want from a horror movie. Complete and utter terror.

Unfortunately, number 4 did not deliver. This is the first of the series that isn't focused on the original family. They do make a few appearances, but they're not the main characters. The amazing thing about the first 3 movies is that they take what happened in the previous movie(s) and raise the fear factor. I like that they rely on what I enjoyed so much about the previous film, while throwing in some unexpected, new things. This one doesn't do anything new and instead of doing something original, they completely rely on swinging chandeliers and loud bumps in the night. Oh yeah, and they threw in a couple of creepy kids.

They do use computer cameras most of the time instead of actual handhelds, which made the concept of constantly filming each other more plausible. And the little girl is so cute and very pretty. She did a great job playing confused, terrified and innocent.

My suggestion is to take your $12 and buy yourself a ticket to another movie.

The first episode of American Horror Story Asylum was a hot mess

Before we start here, just know there are spoilers.

Last night was the much awaited (by me) premiere of American Horror Story Asylum (which is calling itself a miniseries on imdb. No way. Just because you killed off all of your original characters doesn't make you a miniseries, AHS). I participated in the awesome that is Twitter trending topics. An online party with a bunch of other horror fans watching live. Pretty great.

The opening sequence was super weird. Adam Levine and Channing Tatum's wife were running around an abandoned building having sex and taking pictures. In. A. Death. Factory. Generally, just being weird. Those characters are both lucky they're so hot.

So, the whole first episode was completely confusing. I wasn't sure what was going on half the time. It was totally weird seeing Jessica Lange as a nun. Especially after her performance last season as neighborhood harlot. The scene with her in the red lingerie (what the hell was up with that?) and the priest seemed more her speed. 

Then the weird doctor. Was he cutting arms off or making mutants or what? And why was Sister Mary Eunice feeding zombie people in the yard? And why was she running from them then suddenly stopped running from them when she saw the reporter? Were they no longer chasing her? Were they afraid of a lesbian (in 1964 it's not a stretch)? And why does Sister Jude give a shit enough about the reporter to tie her to the bed? She wasn't even doing anything!

And on a completely separate note, what the hell is up with the aliens? Are they even aliens? When did aliens start skinning people? Maybe Evan Peters can't stop killing people and he just thinks it's aliens? Why did they make Babe's father the evil scientist?

Wait! Wait! Aliens skinned his wife, not him!

I hope this season pans out to be actually scary and not just scary because of how stupid the writing is. Because that's where it's headed right now. After the first episode of the first season, I was afraid. Season 2's opener left me very confused and a little amused by Adam Levine licking his hand before putting it to his lady.

Thoughts?

Halloween Music List

Don't worry. No Monster Mash or Thriller here. Just pure, clean classical. This is what I've been listening to to get in the Halloween spirit (and in turn my school mates have also been listening to it. There's nothing like starting up A Night on Bald Mountain in the middle of class).

1. Peer Gynt Suite #1 by: Greig
2. Piano Quartet No. 1 in G Minor by: Ames Piano Quartet
3. Requiem: Dies Irae by: Mozart
4. Carmina Burana--O Fortuna by: Carl Orff
5. Robert Browning Overture by: Leopold Stokowski and Charles Ives
6. Hungarian Dance No. 5 in G Minor by: London Philharmonic Orchestra
7. A Night on Bald Mountain by: Modest Mussorgsky
8. Toccata and Fugue in D Minor by: Klemens Schnorr
9. Peer Gynt--In the Hall of the Mountain by: Greig
10. Verdi: Messa da Requiem by: Valery Gergiev
11. Funeral March by: Chopin
12. Montagues and Capulets by: Sergei Prokofiev
13. Dream of a Witches' Sabbath by: Hector Berlioz

Listen to the whole list on Spotify here.

Bridge

Explaining

Major confusion

Over the weekend, some friends and I decided to channel our inner old lady and learn to play Bridge. Problem is, none of us has ever played or has any idea of the rules.

One girl had (or bought) a book on the game and another's mother made all of us cheat sheets.

We're getting somewhere. Cards are on the table

Oh em gee, guys. Bridge is insane. It's kind of like Spades, but drunk Spades, but I don't know if one could play drunk. I'm not sure how those women in The Help were getting it done over cocktails.

My partner and me losing. Big time

Most of the instructions sounded like gibberish, but once we got started the ins and outs kind of fell into place. It wasn't quite as confusing as I'd originally thought. Maybe. Because the girl whose hand we thought was the worst ended up handing our asses to us, literally (just kidding, I think that's impossible).

Horror Review: Sinister

On Thursday, I organized a whole event with some friends to see this on opening night. Here's the trailer if you aren't familiar:

The only time to see a horror movie in the theater is opening night, am I right? Everyone else there luuuuurvs horror movies as much as I do, it's night time, people are interactive with the movie, people scream and laugh. It's just wonderful.

I felt like Sinister has all the aspects of a good scary movie: lots of darkness, a supernatural/occult aspects, creepy children, weird home movies (those can go either way). Oh em gee, guys, I was sooooo wrong. If this movie had had a different soundtrack, it wouldn't be scary at all (way to go Nicholas Triarchos). The combination of loud and unsettling noises with the shock value of things jumping out of the dark kept it going for about 30 minutes. After that, I was wondering if they had anything else. Spoiler alert: they don't.

Also, also Ethan Hawke's character, Ellison (which sounds so much like Allison it's offputting) is a writer. So, he wears cardigans all the time?

This is an insult to writers everywhere, although I like this cardi. It's very Mr. Rogers-y

(P.S. Mr. Hawke is only 42 but this character acts about 64)

Bottom line, this film was a huuuuuge disappointment for me (come on, Ethan!! I believe in you!) I saw an interview with him on WWHL (of course, more Bravo!) The acting wasn't great (you're all super pretty though) and the "evil spirit" looked like a dude in a doctored Scream mask. For reals, yo. My friend and I rewrote the movie in the car on the way home. Our version is way scarier and in general just awesome.

FYI, this shit:

Isn't scary.

Relationship Drunk Memory (kind of)

You know how when you get drunk, some of the events of the night escape your memory a bit, things become a little hazy and you're not sure if that conversation or whatever actually happened. BUT, the next time you get a little tipsy, you remember (with clarity) that thing you did last time you were drunk. I'm having that right now, but with my relationship.

It's been two years since I was in a relationship (with Chico's dad). And, I've remembered him being a horrible villain who walked out on me and Chico after a year and a half of misery (in actuality I was head over heels in love and absolutely devastated when he left).

The other night, when I was getting upset at my dude (who will from now on be referred to as Boo--childhood nickname) because he suggested something I thought was misogynistic and rude, I had a flashback. Of a similar situation with Chico's dad. He was joking about something (just like this current situation with Boo) and I took it waaaaaaay too seriously and got angry for no. reason.

It freaked me out because I've gone through all of this change in the past year and completely revamped (probably not the right word to use here) who I am and what I stand for (now I actually stand for something) and it's so scary something as wonderful as what is going on with Boo can bring out the worst old behavior. Freeeeeks me out.

I read an article somewhere (I thought it was xojane, but I can't find it) about a girl who was in a relationship and was acting like I often act (oh, you hate your job? I'll google jobs in your field! You need a new bed? I'll email people on craigslist for you! You get the picture) and her boyfriend told her, "I want you to be my girlfriend, not my mom."

I've been thinking about this article a lot the past few weeks as I see myself trying to shape and mold Boo's life to who I think I want him to be. I try to tell myself I'm "helping." The truth is, what he chooses to do is none of my business. And, I get upset with him because he's not bending to my will. But, one of the things I like about him is that he isn't manipulatable by me (I can be very manipulative). Not to mention, I'm attracted to him just the way he is. I hate myself when I'm being an asshole like this.

I'm doing all I can do and working on it. I'll keep you updated.

Wonderful music that'll get me through fall

Each quarter, I make a list of wonderful music that I commit to listening to to death throughout the quarter. Then, when I listen to it later, I have nostalgia about the wonderful and amazing things that happened over the quarter (when in reality I was completely overwhelmed and stressed out, but this list helps me to remember only the good).

If you want to listen on Spotify, click here.

1. Oblivion: Grimes
2. 1234: Feist
3. Free: Cat Power
4. Be Good: Tokyo Police Club
5. Baby I'm Yours: Arctic Monkeys
6. Hands Reversed: Tokyo Police Club
7. Born to Die: Lana Del Rey
8. We Are Young: Fun.
9. Je Veux Te Voir: Yelle
10. Post Break-Up Sex: The Vaccines
11. Feel Good Inc.: The Gorillaz
12. Ain't No Sunshine: Bill Withers
13. Crown: Mason Jennings
14. Marathon: Tennis
15. Somebody That I Used To Know: Walk Off the Earth
16. Starships: Nicki Minaj
17. Golden Brown: The Stranglers
18. If You Wanna: The Vaccines
19. Wetsuit: The Vaccines
20. Jolene: Mindy Smith
21. Ring of Fire: Johnny Cash
22. No One's Gonna Love You: Band of Horses
23. Cross Road Blues: Robert Johnson
24. Who Loves the Sun: The Velvet Underground
25. Two Princes: Spin Doctors

FYI: Some of the songs make it onto multiple lists. The ones I'm not done obsessing over.

The Perfect Body and Windsor Grace Dream Big

My friend, The Perfect Body (TPB) and I were sitting around her house watching Gallery Girls last night (she's never seen it). And while discussing the likelihood of Chantal being a Horcrux (very likely), Liz being a huge bitch (at least she owns it like a bad ass) and Maggie's awesome hair, we came to some conclusions:

1: Moving to New York City would be totally awesome if we didn't have to be insanely poor (duh)

2: Moving to New York City would be awesome if we had tons of money we can throw around, do whatever we want and only ride the subway when we want to (I didn't mind the subway when I was there, I like the anonymity of it, but TPB disagrees).

3: Moving to New York City would be awesome if we could party every day and night like rock stars but still have normal and functional lives (you know, we don't want to be that girl)

4: Moving to New York City would be awesome if we were so nice and amazing that everyone loved us and wanted to be around us and all of the men would want to be with us and we had enough backbone to shoo away assholes and stand up to jerks but still lovable and amazing.

Then TPB said she'd be the upper and I'd be the downer. Because that's how we are.

This is where the plan broke down into giggles and staring off into the distance imagining our amazing doppleganger, New York livin' selves.